> kniv"Can someone help me out?"etsil

Elsewhere in this thread, you state that you think your new beliefs are pretty established and unlikely to change. But this is not the post of a decided mind seeking intellectual debate. It sounds to me like your beliefs have been challenged, and, on some level, you don't like the way the struggle is going.

I can't "defend my faith against you" without knowing what threatens yours. Are you angry at God over something? Are you frustrated at how he has chosen to reveal himself in the world? The old cliche, that this life is a test of faith, is quite true: God asks us to trust him wholly and completely no matter what the circumstances. Do you trust in the righteousness of God even if bad things happen in this present life? Do you trust in the power of God even if Christians seem to be losing a war of oppression? Do you trust in the sovereignty of God even if misguided or fake Christians do evil things in his name? Do you trust in the truth of God, even if worldly reasoning casts doubt on his precepts? And so on, and so on, and so on.

You say you've been swayed by friends of yours. Clearly now, by this post, you have a need of some kind to hear again from the "other side," so to speak. My advice would be to seek out a pastor or a Christian youth group in school or something and talk about what you've got going on. Asking these kinds of questions here is not a bad thing, but you're going to get a thousand different opinions and not necessarily understand where they're all coming from in order to evaluate them in the context of their sources. Plus it helps to get to talking to somebody where you can have a real-time conversation. Communication is so much more than words, and trying to conduct a discussion about these sorts of things here is just not going to be as effective. What you're seeking, it sounds to me, is someone whose faith you can see and sense when he talks about it, someone who lives by the things you doubt. It's so much more difficult to get that from someone talking to you in typed letters alone.

The thing about Christianity is that it's not simply a belief. Sometimes people treat it as much a belief, or, worse, a philosophy or a habit. A lot of "Christians" go to church as a salve for their spirit, something that seems to fill natural inclination in all of us to seek God, to seek forgiveness for our sins, and so on. But it doesn't work unless there is a committed relationship with the person, Jesus Christ, in whom we not only believe but rely upon for everything we need in life and beyond. You're a true Christian if you've made that commitment to Christ. It includes belief, but it's an active belief, a lifestyle.

You can't lose that. Doubts may creep in now and again, but ultimately if you've made that commitment to Christ, ever, then the Holy Spirit moves in your heart. Your mind is renewed, and you live no longer in the flesh but the spirit. These are wild changes, and they are not reversible. I highly recommend reading Romans 8. It's not long, but it illustrates the difference between one in whom the Holy Spirit dwells and one in whom he does not. It is a companion to 2 Cor. 2:10-2:16. A portion of that is here: "Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned." Also perhaps take a look at Philippians 1, which leads into a book about the joy of living with Christ.

What I'm getting at is that you're either a Christian who has temporarily lost his way, spiritually, or you were never a Christian at all except on the outside.

If the former, you need to identify what threatens your walk with God and seek to rectify it. That necessarily involves the reasons for your having fallen away from God in the first place. Since I don't know what those are, I can't offer very specific advice, but I really think you need to talk to a pastor or somebody about the issues and ask for opinions. I wouldn't write off talking to the pastor of your home church -- provided you do not come across as being closed-minded or decided or adversarial this probably won't be a problem -- but you can find another pastor in another church, too. Most have some kind of office hours and are available for consultation by just about anybody.

If the latter, then you need to understand that very fact -- you were NEVER a Christian. Not really. Remember, it's not enough just to grow up as a Christian, believe in Christ because that's what everybody around you believes, and go to church because everybody else around you is going to church. If you never made a real, personal commitment to Jesus Christ, believing that he not only died for the sins of the world but YOUR sins, not just that he's Lord but YOUR Lord, not just that he's the savior of mankind but YOUR savior, then you were never truly a Christian. In Matthew 7:21, Jesus says, "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven." This is a frightening passage: it means there are people out there who go to church, read their Bibles, and pray but who have no saving relationship with God. I'm not saying that was you -- only God knows that. But you have to figure out if this was you or not.

If not, you have never truly experienced the Christian life as a personal relationship with God. So if you are rebelling Christianity now, for whatever reason, you aren't rebelling against what you think you are rebelling against. Maybe you are rebelling against what the Bible says the Christian life is all about, because you have not found it to be accurate. Understandably, if you have not made that commitment to Christ that would lead to God renewing your mind and spirit with the understanding of the Holy Spirit.

Our purpose here as human beings is to seek out God even as he seeks us out. I urge you to continue to ask questions and seek answers, even those answers to questions you don't know how to formulate. Again, I recommend talking to a pastor or Christian youth group leader or peer or someone you know to be a Christian and get some real, face-to-face time in.

Hope this helps.