Since it's been a year and a half since the last RinkWorks contest, I think I'll start one. I wrote a song recently (it's a rough draft, so forgive any levels of suckhood that may lie within it). Like most of the stuff I write, it's nonsensical gibberish I use to mask what I'm trying to say, which completely defeats the purpose of communication. At any rate, the contest is to try to interpret my song. Please explain your interpretation (Don't just say "It's about cars" or something and then expect to win a prize); feel free to be as longwinded as you feel is necessary. I certainly am. The prize categories will be Closest to the Original Meaning and Most Interesting. And maybe some other ones as well if I can think of them. The winners from each category will get balcony seats at the next Sammy awards ceremony.

NOW HEAR SI TEH SONG!!!!!!!!111q


Once upon a time I was the king
Of a very magical land
With princesses and a castle and even a moat
And unhappiness was practically banned
And I treated all my subjects with
The utmost respect and care
But when I hid inside my room up above
IT was like I wasn't even there

'Round the turn of the century -- no, not now
I meant the earlier one --
There was a train station and a Christmas tree
And the movies where you'd go to have fun
And the President spoke from beyond the grave
And a man in a hat played piano
And when you rode down the street to fight a nonexistent fire
You could see my dad's contract in the window

But then you waited seven hundred years
So you could fly off to the moon
With flights leaving in the morning
At night and in the afternoon
See the sunken graveyard and the cross-eyed snake
Or see the modern house of today
And you could fly in flying saucers but eventually
They up and flew away

Later I was drifting on a boat with no sails or oars
I was surrounded by shrieking little boys and little girls
Like listening to the tower of Babel, each one politely instructed me
On the state of our crazy little world
And the boat makes its way to a quaint little town
Full of murdering rapists and thieves
And a little girl who later became famous
Lived in sticks among the trees

And the circus was in town but it left very quickly
Taking its Ferris wheel with
And every house and store, every store and house and store
Is based off a centuries-old myth
All the subjects in my kingdom were happy
And everything was going well
But then the very worst thing that you can imagine happened
And from then on things weren't so swell

When I died
And they cried

So right away they built a graveyard for me
And I'm buried next to I. P. Freely
There's a man in the house, kind of tall and pale and thin
I try to talk but all he does is move his head and grin
And a worker got her head stuck in a ball
And another woman was killed in a fall
What's happening here? Where did the ceiling go?
Hey, look at that guy -- oh no, oh no, oh no

And the bears and the bunnies, we resurrected them all
And we freed the slaves into the waterfall
Though you'll never see him, that is true
The man on the train can still see you
We force the bears to get up, dance, and sing
And the People for Ethical Animals don't say a thing
No one really feels like seeing the bears
If it weren't for the waterfall I'd say nobody cares

In the north end of the kingdom there is a brand new town
With gallons of bright paint just dripping all around
The pied piper took all the mice and every kid
And apparently this new town is where they all were hid
A bunny and a lady shun that which is green and fizzy
A good idea, since it's making my driver get all dizzy
And we'll ride around on TinkerToys like we don't give a darn
Just stay away from the house, though, because a mouse is in the barn

Times have changed and many battles have been fought
Right now there's a grizzly bear in a parking lot
The world-famous light bulbs are no longer turned on
The bus system of the future has already come and gone
There's another movie theater but this one has color flicks
And you can ride back to the Orient on a space train just for kicks
The little famous girl in the tree no longer lives up there
Instead there's a long-haired youth who likes to surf on air

Once upon a time I was the king
Of a very magical land
With princesses and a castle and even a moat
And unhappiness was practically banned
And I treated all my subjects with
The utmost respect and care
But when I hid inside my room up above
It was like I wasn't even there

-Eric "The King" Sleator
Tue 10 Jul A.D. 2001