> Depression is being up at 6am when you normally have problems pulling yourself out of bed before noon. Depression is alienating all of the people you care about just because you can't seem to be civil to save your life, and in fact for some reason seem to take a perverse joy in being a prick at times. Depression is knowing you have work to do but not being able to get yourself to do it because you know you're going to fail. Depression is not understanding why anyone would ever want to praise you for anything but being all too ready to accept criticism of any sort. Depression is beating yourself up because you're not perfect. Depression is life in a hole. Depression is a world without sunshine. Depression is wanting desperately to be around people and yet, when you actually *are* around people, wanting nothing more than to be alone again. Depression is wanting to go to sleep and never wake up. Worst of all, depression is knowing exactly what you have to do to get yourself out of the mess you're in, but feeling powerless to actually do it.
>
> -- Dave

Dave, I read your post and it touched something in me. I've been through two bouts of depression myself, only the latter being treated (I'm coming out of it as I type) and the first coming frighteningly close to suicide. I look back on it now, and I'm stunned that I could ever have wanted to *kill* myself, and I'm glad I made it. I was 14. How could I possibly have ever thought of giving up at such an early age??

And yet, if I had the choice to live my life again, I would choose to go through all the hardships, to live that way with a hole in my heart. Why? Because when it's over and done with, when it's a memory, it feels good to be able to say to yourself, "I am strong enough to deal with this."

My depression has caused me great pain, but it's also fueled my creative spark. I finished my first novel two months ago, a work of over a year, and while it certainly isn't print-worthy, there is a character in it whom I love deeply, because he's a personification of my depression.

I guess what I'm trying to say, Dave, is hold on. It's worth it in the long run.

Sun"I am strong and so are you"dragyn.