> I'm sorry to say that the change about me you might be most interested in is also the change some of you would find most disappointing. I understand that many of you are Christians. I remember my very first post on this forum was about how happy I was to find a place where I could talk about faith with others. But now I'm sorry to tell you I've lost my faith and consider myself an atheist.
> The change was gradual. I'm not sure how I can go into the reasons for it without offending anyone. Suffice it to say I had some good friends around me who influenced me in that direction.
> However, if someone wants to try to "convert" me back, I'd be more than happy to engage in a long, drawn-out debate over the matter. Actually, I'd be interested in hearing someone who really believes in their faith actively defend it against me. See, my parents and everyone in my church still think I'm a Christian; I couldn't stomach devastating them with the news that I'd fallen out of faith. I still go to church; I still sing songs of praise; I even play as an accompanist. My point is that they could never enter into a debate with me over this matter, because they think I'm already such a mature, incorruptible Christian.
> But I'd still like to talk about it with someone, and talk about it without lying about what I believe in. I guess that's why I'm here.
>
> kniv"Can someone help me out?"etsil

I'd just like to say that to a large extent I can understand how it feels to be in the position you're in. Not entirely, though, as my views have remained atheistic/agnostic (still not completely sure of the accepted definitions) for the entirety of my life, so I don't have the experience of the "other side".

I do know how it is to feel like you have to keep going on with the ways things are now, to not "rock the boat" unnecessarily -- I attended religious education classes from third grade to tenth (plus or minus a year on either end) and often went along with the general flow by saying and doing what I was expected to say and do. After all, I told myself, it's just a couple of hours per week -- it's not all that much of a sacrifice.

Since those years, I've changed somewhat. Now if someone were to ask me about my beliefs, I'd tell them the truth, not the words they'd want to hear. It might be uncomfortable if they were close to me and I felt I'd be letting them down somehow, but I'd do it and weather the storm as it came. That said, I'm still not likely to go out of my way to disrupt someone's conception of how I see the world.

After hundreds of hours of conversations, reading/research, and introspection throughout my life, I've come to realize that I'm old enough and have seen/considered so much from both sides that my beliefs are not going to change barring a miracle (perhaps literally). I don't know how far along you are in that regard, but it seems to me that you are still feeling enough doubt that things aren't solidified yet. [Note: it's a subtle distinction, but I mean doubt about where your religious views are headed, not doubt about the existence of God, the "correct" religious flavor to follow, etc.]

Like you, I'd be interested in following along with and possibly slipping a point or two into a well-conducted debate, but I understand that such areas are particularly conducive to hurt feelings, especially when we can't see the tone of the author behind the words that we see.

So, anyway, you're certainly not alone. Feel free to email me if you'd like to ask me anything.