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Re: Forum poll: is romance better than honesty?
Posted By: Sam, on host 24.128.86.11
Date: Monday, June 11, 2001, at 17:15:01
In Reply To: Forum poll: is romance better than honesty? posted by Brunnen-G on Sunday, June 10, 2001, at 15:12:18:

I was shocked at the number of people who leaned toward #1 on this, but then I figured out why. The ones leaning toward #1 mostly seemed to be shying away from using the given examples of little things -- saying "I love you" and "You look beautiful" -- rather than little things in general.

Although my own reply also used these examples, they were just that: examples. You don't EVER have to say "I love you" or "You look beautiful" for a relationship to be healthy.

However, to be perfectly blunt, a relationship that doesn't have multiple little things going on every day is having problems. There are countless "little things." A hug, a caress, a wink -- write a note or an email for no reason, draw funny faces on the eggs, sit extra close to each other on the sofa. Whatever. ANY little things. Essentially they are tailored to what you know your partner appreciates. Ideally, but not necessarily, they shouldn't even all be conscious efforts but the natural consequence of one's feelings.

Relationships *need* several exchanges of "little things" -- whatever they are, conscious or not -- per day (on average) to survive. Choice #1, so long as it is understood that the specific "little things" mentioned in it are examples only, is not an option for a healthy relationship.

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