> Relationships *need* several exchanges of "little things" -- whatever they are, conscious or not -- per day (on average) to survive. Choice #1, so long as it is understood that the specific "little things" mentioned in it are examples only, is not an option for a healthy relationship.



First off, I agree, but I'm getting the feeling that people are reading the two viewpoints differently. I see where you get you interpretation from, but listen: "It's better to be honest and only do these things when the feeling genuinely strikes you that way". As I read viewpoint 1, this sentence embodies it. While I agree that a relationship cannot survive without "little things", whatever they may be, I actually feel the same about a relationship where conscious effort (to quote yourself) is necessary to bring about these gestures. This is my guess at why people are trying to combine the two viewpoints: Yes, honesty is paramount, even in the details, and Yes, "little things" on a regular basis are just as important.

Isn't it simply that the art of relationship is to combine the two? To find a partner with whom you have no trouble exchanging silly little love-tokens?

jul"but maybe I misunderstood everything"ian