This is my essay for entry into college... or "personal statement", as they like to call it. I'd honestly appreciate any criticism... please don't just say "it's nice," cause that won't help me at all. Please also keep in mind that it's currently 503 words and isn't supposed to be greater than 500... so for anything you think I should add, I ahve to take something out, as well. This is also my first draft, so if parts of it suck, then tell me. But anyway... here it is.

"I will if Smallz does."
Smallz had, and I was perched on a 20-foot cliff, preparing to jump into the river
below. It wasn't a particularly fast river or a particularly high jump, but I've always hated
heights, nor am I particularly athletic.
Unfortunately, this wasn't a bargain I could easily back out of, considering that all of
my friends were watching, so I jumped. Surprisingly - at least to me - I survived. The fact that I enjoyed it surprised everyone.
Later that day, several of us journeyed downriver. Returning involved hoisting
ourselves from deep water onto a slippery ledge two feet above our heads, but we found a
spot with conveniently placed hand and foot holds and got out without too much difficulty.
A quick scramble up the rest of the rock piles and cascades we had descended, and we were
back to where we began.
A few of us decided to go back down. When we were finally ready to leave for good,
my friends picked another, more difficult spot at which to climb out. As soon as I looked at
it, I knew that I could not physically do it. Unfortunately, the rational side of my brain was
quickly over-ruled, and, urged on by my friends, I made the attempt. Just as I had expected,
I couldn't do it, and I found myself unable to either stop or continue without some measure
of embarassment. Finally, one of the others there helped me up.
For the next few minutes, I was angry at all of my friends for convincing me to try,
and at myself for being convinced. When I had calmed down a bit, I realized for the first
time that I am extremely competitive. The entire day, I had done things in order to prove to
others that I was just as good as they.
T.S. Eliot once said "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how
far one can go." On that day, I discovered that although there are outside limits to what I
can do, my inner limits can be stretched and changed. I don't expect my outer limits to
remain the same forever, either, but I now trust myself to know the difference between
when I am merely afraid of a new experience and when I actually have a good reason for
not doing something. I also learned that merely doing things to prove that I am as good as
others is not healthy, as it can force me into doing things beyond my outer limits - however,
using my competitiveness to push myself to greater heights has led me to experiences I
might previously have avoided.
Towards the end of our time at the river, some of the guys realized that a tree which
grew from the top of the cliff would, if climbed, double the plunge into the river. They
invited me to join them. I didn't even have to think about my response - a very definite no.

uni"i hope i get in!!!! i hope i hope i hope!"peg