> > This is my essay for entry into college... or "personal statement", as they like to call it. I'd honestly appreciate any criticism... please don't just say "it's nice," cause that won't help me at all.
>
> But it /is/ nice!
>
> >Please also keep in mind that it's currently 503 words and isn't supposed to be greater than 500...
>
> Only 498 if you don't count the title!

it didn't have a title.... what title? oh, that wasn't a title, that's the first sentence
>
> >so for anything you think I should add, I have to take something out, as well. This is also my first draft, so if parts of it suck, then tell me. But anyway... here it is.
>
> It would be helpful if you would tell us what the "assignment" is...what they want you to get across. As well, what sort of program are you applying to get into? If I wrote something like this when I was trying to get into the Engineering program at the University of Alberta, I don't think it would have helped much since all they care about is my math and physics marks. So, unless I know what the essay is /supposed/ to do, I can't really offer any suggestions other than boring grammar-ish stuff.

Ah... okay, sorry. the question was "What is a risk you have taken that has had a major impact on your life?" (or something like that). All the programs I'll be sending this essay to are liberal arts colleges.
>
>
> -Space "nitpicker" Bar.

but nitpicking is GOOD

uni"printing out comments"peg