More improvisational weirdness from RinkChat. The important thing to realize about this one is that it immediately followed The Flame War, which is referred to in this and which explains the opening lines of this transcript. Those not familiar with the RinkChat Archives may first want to read A Brief Change of Heart, in which the "nice Stephen" idea is first explored. (It's more involved here.) There are also a couple of throwaway inside jokes, which can be understood by first reading The Great Ginger Ale Tragedy and Sleeping Victims. New readers might want to note that most exaggerated misspellings and "haX0r"-talk is done on purpose (see Dudes To Be Feared).
Did it work 50/50? Not really. The "beef" came from the Pet Name filter (see Pet Names) when he tried to type "wunny." So....
* Sam slaps Stephen back in the chair, cuts open the stitches.
Stephen: Oh, Sam, I'm sure you know what you're doing, and I don't want to offend, but are you a doctor?
* Sam thinks. "Hmmmm...maybe that was supposed to be there." Sam puts the lambchop bone back but this time adds two more.
* Sam staples Stephen up and shows him a picture of a baby.
Stephen: How precious!
Kiki: ARRRUGHHH!!!!! I WANT EVIL PSYCHO STEPHEN OF DOOM BACK!!!!
Sam: Are you SURE you don't want to eat this baby?
Sam: Or even step on its head just a little bit?
Stephen: Of course not!
Stephen: It would look much better with its insides on your head!
Sakura: HAHAHA! Stephen's BACK!
Stephen: Oh dear!! Whatever am I saying?
Sakura: Partly, at least.
* Sam reclines Stephen again.
* Sam thwacks Stephen with the towels.
* Sam uses a staple remover to open him up again.
Stephen: That hurts you MORON
Stephen: Oh!!! Oh!
Stephen: I'm ever so sorry! I don't know what's come over me!
* Sam empties his refrigerator and puts the two week old crap with mold into Stephen's right ventricle.
* Stephen convulses violently
* Sam runs three miles, then takes his socks off and puts those in for good measure.
* Sam squeezes a six month old lemon over his ventricle.
* Nyperold flees and hides.
* Liface kicks stephen in the shins.
* Sam glues Stephen up with superglue.
* Sam shows Stephen a picture of Dave.
Sam: What now, hmmm?
* Stephen starts foaming at the mouth and coughing out.... GINGER ALE
RinkChat: User Stephen has been kicked from the chat room by Dave.
Stephen has left.
Speedball: LOL. Never mention the golden crystal soda in Dave's presence.
Stephen has entered.
Stephen: I'm.......GOING TO KILL YOU ALL
Stephen: No no no I won't!
Stephen: I won't go back to the dark place!
Sam: He's conflicted. How did I not put enough crap in him?
Stephen: Please, take mercy on me, I've been possessed by some inner demon!
Brunnen_G: Well, that's better than an outer demon. It's a bummer being possessed and ugly at the same time.
Stephen: DIE ALL YOU PUNY nice people
Stephen: I WILL FREAKING RIP OFF YOUR HEADS and give you roses and hugs!!!!!
Stephen: HAHAHA DAVE YOU ARE SUCKh a nice person1!!
* Sam stabs Stephen in the heart with a funnel and pours in toxic sludge.
* Brunnen_G has flashbacks to the Microsoft hiring procedure
Stephen: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i wont go i wont i wont i wont
* Stephen explodes
Stephen has left.
Good_Stephen has entered.
Good_Stephen: Oh ho! I have survived!
Bad_Stephen has entered.
Bad_Stephen: HAHAHAHA! I'VE WON!
Good_Stephen: Oh my! What's this!?
Liface: He is split into two parts!
Brunnen_G: YES!!! Fight it out for the soul of Stephen!
Brunnen_G: Uh, if he has one.
Bad_Stephen: I SEE WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE
Kiki: Sam: just ban good stephen!
RinkChat: User Good_Stephen has been made an operator by Leen.
RinkChat: User Bad_Stephen has been made an operator by Dave.
Sakura: Yay for Bad_Stephen!
* Sam observes the halves of Stephens with pride. There's Bad_Stephen, hulking brute of evil, and Good_Stephen, diminutive defender of justice.
Sam: And they said splitting the atom was something. I have SPLIT THE STEPHEN!
Good_Stephen: Sam: Very clever!
Bad_Stephen: Sam: Now if only you could get rid of the waste.. MWAHAHAHAHA!
* Sam , the mad scientist consumed by his creation, is eaten by Bad_Stephen.
Sam is away.
Bad_Stephen: I WILL DESTROY THIS ROOM WITH MY PUTRID DEATH RAYS OF HATE!
Good_Stephen: Please, please, somebody, we need to defeat the evil me!
* Liface kicks good stephen.
* Dave stabs Good_Stephen in the back.
Bad_Stephen: DEAFEAT ME!?!? THE MORONS THAT YOU ARE COULDN'T DEFEAT A PAPER BAG!!!!!! HAHAHAHAAHA!
Good_Stephen: Liface: Please, there will be time for punishing me later! We must defeat this menace now!
Sam: Good/Bad: I fear both of you, frankly. We need to merge you to get Real_Stephen back. I would say 1 part Good Stephen, 20,000 parts Bad_Stephen. Just a guess. Good_Stephen, give me an ear or something.
* Good_Stephen cuts off his ear (ouch!) and hands it to Sam
Bad_Stephen: MERGE ME WITH... HIM???
* Liface is on Good Stephen's side. MUHUHUHUAHAHA. Wait.... only evil people are supposed to laugh like that...
Good_Stephen: Liface: oh, thank you, kind one!
Nyperold: EVERYBODY IS SUCK EXCEPT FOR ME, THE *NEW* SUPREME DICTATOR!
Brunnen_G: Whoa. Nyperold.
Bad_Stephen: NYPEROLD: YOU LITTLE TURD! YOU DARE CALL YOURSELF SUPREME DICTATOR!?
Nyperold: YES, I DARE! AND YOU ARE THE TURD, NOT ME!
Bad_Stephen: I THINK NOT YOU RAPSCALLION!
Liface: Rapscallion means doorknocker
Bad_Stephen: I WILL DESTROY THIS CHAT ROOM, THEN THIS SITE, THEN THE INTERNET. NOTHING... NOTHING SHALL DEFEAT ME!!
Bad_Stephen: (and yes, I've read the evil overlord list, quit asking you FOOLS)
Nyperold: YOU SUCK AS SUPREME DICTATOR! YOU CAN'T EVEN DICTATE A MESSAGE, YOU MEDIOCRE UPSTART!
Bad_Stephen: NYPEROLD: THE OLD STEPHEN WOULD HAVE BEEN BOTHERED BY THAT. BUT YOU... YOU ARE THE STUFF AT THE BOTTOM OF A GARBAGE CAN. THE SLIMEY FILTH THAT MAKES YOU GAG BY LOOKING AT IT. YOU ARE NOTHING
Nyperold: YOU ARE THE THING THAT PARAMECIUMS LAUGH AT AND SPIT UPON!!!
Good_Stephen: Oh, I do so wish I wasn't so useless!
Moonstar has entered.
Moonstar: May I be of assistance to someone?
Bad_Stephen: MOONSTAR: YES! YOU CAN SHUT UP!
Bad_Stephen: MWA HAHAHAHA!
Moonstar: I apologize for offending you, Stephen-sama.
Bad_Stephen: MOONSTAR: YOU WILL DIE FOR THAT
Good_Stephen: Oh, please Moonstar, help us kill Bad_stephen! It's all my fault!
Moonstar: I can't fight. It goes against my pacifistic nature.
Good_Stephen: Oh, Moonstar, I'm so sorry for asking! It's just that he's going to kill us all
Bad_Stephen: PUNY MORTALS!
Bad_Stephen: I WILL START WITH A DISPLAY OF MY POWER
Bad_Stephen: ELLMYRUH... PREPARE FOR DEATH!
Bad_Stephen: AS A NORTHERN CALIFORNIAN, IT IS YOUR DESTINY TO DIE!!!
* Bad_Stephen KILLS ELLMYRUH BADLY!!!!!!!!
* Ellmyruh dies a GRUESOME DEATH.
Ellmyruh has left.
Bad_Stephen: MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! YOU SEE!? I CAN NO TBE DEFEATED!
* Nyperold KILLS MOONSTAR AND FLYINGCATS!!
* Moonstar dies.
flyingcats has left.
Nyperold: MUWHAHAHA! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!
Bad_Stephen: HA HAHAHA. THE HUMAN NYPEROLD AMUSES ME
Scotty has entered.
Scotty: Never fear, Scotty is here!
* Scotty hooks up his transporter
Good_Stephen: Scotty: No, please, don't! You can kill me after we've rid the world of the evil that I'm responsible for!
* Bad_Stephen STEALS ALL THE POWER PILLS
* Scotty transports good Stephen into Kentucky and Bad Stephen into Maine
Bad_Stephen: SCOTTY, YOUR FUTILE HUMAN TRICKS WILL NOT WORK
* Brunnen_G gets caught in the crossfire of all this transporting
Bad_BrunnenG has entered.
* Bad_BrunnenG kills Brunnen_G
Brunnen_G has left.
Bad_Stephen: AHH... BAD BRUNNEN-G...... AN EVIL PEER AT LAST!
Bad_BrunnenG: YOU WANT EVIL? I'LL GIVE YOU EVIL, YOU LOSER PITIFUL ATTEMPTS AT SUPREMACY
Good_Stephen: Oh no!!
Good_Stephen: OH HO!! THIS SHOULD BE FUNNY AT LEAST
Good_Stephen: oh no!! BAD STEPHEN has taken me over!!!
Bad_Stephen: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! MY POWER GROWS BY THE MINUTE
Bad_BrunnenG: You call that power? That's not power! You're STEPHEN!
* Nyperold LAUGHS AT BADBRUNNENG
Nyperold: MY POWER GROWS BY THE NANOSECOND!
Bad_BrunnenG: How can any form of STEPHEN claim power? Let alone NYPEROLD, the Fool of Florida? Bwa ha ha ha HA!
Nyperold: FOOL OF FLORIDA? THIS FROM THE NINNY OF NEW ZEALAND?
* Bad_BrunnenG forces live toads down Stephen's throat
* Nyperold KILLS RANDOM CHATTERS
DariusLongshore has entered.
RinkChat: User DariusLongshore has been made an operator by Dave.
Speedball: DAR-I-US! DAR-I-US! DAR-I-US!
Good_Stephen: DARIUS LONGSHORE: YOU ARE A WEAK, WHINING DEGENERATE BAG OF PUSS
DariusLongshore: I think not, Good/Bad Stephen
Nyperold: DARIUSLONGSHORE? THAT WEAK, WHINY, SNIVELING "HERO"?
DariusLongshore: For you see, only *I* know the truth!
Nyperold: DARIUS, THE ONE WHO WAS DEFEATED BY A GIGGLEHONKSISTER?
DariusLongshore: The truth that will DESTROY you!
Bad_Stephen: LONGSHORE: WHERE IS YOUR SUPERIOR, BLOOD DROPS? HE IS A WARRIOR AT LEAST
DariusLongshore: HERE IS THE TRUTH
* Good_Stephen struggles against possession
DariusLongshore: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GOOD STEPHEN
DariusLongshore: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BAD BRUNNEN-G
DariusLongshore: NYPEROLD I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT. ASK AGAIN LATER.
* Good_Stephen gasps
* Bad_Stephen LAUGHS
Good_Stephen: That can't be true!
Bad_Stephen: HA HA HA!
Bad_Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS LONGSHORE
Bad_Stephen: PERHAPS YOU ARE NOT AS... IMBELLICIC AS YOU SEEM
DariusLongshore: STEPHEN IS MERELY MESSING WITH ALL OF US. BAD STEPHEN IS STEPHEN. GOOD STEPHEN DOES NOT *EXIST*
* Good_Stephen crumbles
Good_Stephen has left.
Bad_Stephen: THE WARRIOR IS CORRECT
Bad_Stephen: IT WAS A PLOT ALL ALONG!!
Bad_Stephen: LONGSHORE, I COMMEND YOU ON YOUR CLEVER THINKING. ALAS, I MUST NOW KILL YOU
Bad_Stephen: AND THESE PRETENDERS, NYPEROLD AND BAD BRUNNEN-G
* Bad_Stephen combines the Sacred RinkWorks Artifacts: The Pen, the Comb, the Shape Thingy and the Penny Refund.
Bad_Stephen: WITH THESE I SHALL DOMINATE RW AND THEN DESTROY IT!
Sam: YOU'RE MISSING ONE, BAD_STEPHEN!
Bad_Stephen: SAM: YOU ARE INCORRECT!! I HAVE THEM ALL!! I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THEM FOR AGES, AND THE SET IS COMPLETE!!!!
Bad_Stephen: THE DOORMAT AND THE SUPERBALL ARE BUT CLEVER FAKES
Bad_Stephen: THE THING WAS LOST AGES AGO AND IS PRESUMED DESTROYED
* Sam holds up The Bank Of America Cease And Desist Letter and dangles it tantalizingly over Bad_Stephen.
Bad_Stephen: OH NO!!!!!!
Bad_Stephen: NOT THE LETTER OF POWER!!!
Bad_Stephen: I HAD THOUGHT FOR SURE IT PERISHED IN THE GREAT WAR!!!!!!!
* Bad_Stephen realizes that his incantion can not be stopped
* Sam folds The Bank Of America Cease And Desist Letter into a paper airplane and...puts it in his pocket.
Bad_Stephen: HELP ME!!! I NEED TO STOP THIS BEFORE THE POWER CONSUMES ME!!!!!!!!!!1
Speedball: One Bank of America letter to rule them all...
* Bad_Stephen is rapidly being consumed
* Sam reads the spells on The Bank Of America Cease And Desist Letter and invokes its power to teleport the other RinkWorks artifacts to him.
* Sam holds up The Shape Thingy and declares, "I DESTROY YOU!" and it is gone, in a puff of smoke.
Bad_Stephen: CURSES!!!! FOILED AGAIN!!!!!!!!1
* Bad_Stephen reverts back to his normal form
Bad_Stephen: ONE DAY I SHALL GET MY REVENGE...... ONE DAY!!!!!!1
Bad_Stephen has left.
* Sam fades out on Bad_Stephen's final threat and dissolves to a peaceful quiet neighborhood epilogue.
Stephen has entered.
Dave: Hey Stephen.
Stephen: Hey all
PacMan: oh hi Stephen
Stephen: I've been busy with my English Paper. What'd I miss?
Sam: Not much, Stephen. Hi.
Stephen: That flame war today was fun. We should do it again sometime
Sam: Hey...um...what's that thing in your pocket?
Stephen: Huh? Oh... it's a comb. Wonder how it got in there.
Stephen: Oh, wow, it's the RinkWorks Comb I won! I thought I lost that *ages* ago!
Stephen: Life sure is weird sometimes, you know?
Sakura: I have to go. Good night.
* Brunnen_G always stays to watch the credits.
* Speedball eats some popcorn
korrina has entered.
Nyperold: Wow. Great work.
Garcia: Actaully, I liked the book better.
Dave: Who was the Best Boy? I always look to see who the Best Boy was.
korrina: hi there people!
Brunnen_G: All resemblance to actual persons living or dead was entirely coincidental.
Dave: if you can read this you don't need glasses
Speedball: clap clap clap calp clap clap clap clap clap
* Brunnen_G is getting nasty "you're supposed to leave now" looks from the theater cleaners.
Sam: Oh, hello korrina.
Sam: We're, um, not quite normal here.
korrina has left.
* Stephen does an Archive-A-Minute of it
Stephen: Archive-A-Minute by Stephen:
Stephen: Stephen: I'm good. No, I'm good and evil.
Stephen: Dave: No you're not.
Stephen: - End -
* Brunnen_G would just like to note that being evil is a lot more difficult when you have to stop and talk to someone from work right after you start trying.
[Ferrick->Brunnen_G] Have I missed some fun stuff?
Brunnen_G: LOL LOL LOL LOL
* Brunnen_G can't help passing this on. Ferrick to me, in a PM: "Have I missed some fun stuff?"
Brunnen_G: Ferrick: Yes.
Speedball: Ferrick: You have no idea
Ferrick: Hey, that was private from the darkest recesses of my soul!
Brunnen_G: Ooh. Sorry, Ferrick. At least I didn't tell them about that rash you've got on your butt.
Ferrick: Oh, I tell everyone about that.
Ferrick: It looks like Panama.
* Ferrick is SO MAD!!!
RinkChat: The chat room topic has been changed to 'BEER14429 is not here, but if he comes, you must ALL LEAVE FOREVER.' by Sam.
Ferrick: I'M LEAVING FOREVER JUST IN CASE!
Ferrick has left.
For more about this episode, see the post in the RinkWorks Message Forum entitled, Critical Analysis of 'Split Stephen,' by Keller, et al.