> I think we may do these things to distract ourselves from our pain; or to fill the social vacuum we may suddenly find ourselves in; or perhaps they are a bit of a defense mechanism (proving that you are *too* a worthwhile/exciting/desirable person with an interesting life, so *there*).

I don't know if this coincides with what you meant, or if it's just me being strange; twice in the past week I have found myself in my car, with no plan and not caring (trust me, that's abnormal: I've used mapquest to find a drugstore. That I already used. Often.). I ultimately end up driving aimlessly, and I think a lot of that IS to distract myself from whatever I might feel, would I let myself actually *feel*.

It seems as if I'm dealing with a death: and I feel awful in the process because of that. Mourning something so trivial SHOULDN'T have the impact of death, or else it minimizes the effect of those who ACTUALLY suffer -- or so my mind tells my heart. Nevertheless I still find myself going through stages of grief: when I posted that first message, I felt comfortably numb, but last night ended up on a crying jag in a bathroom stall. Today was off to a shaky start, and nausea has since alternated with the tears. If I step back and assess the situation clinically, as per my various and sundry defense mechanisms, I get a sound "weird!" response from my brain. In some way, on some lower level, I'm morbidly fascinated by the process itself. Decidedly... weird.

In any case. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has posted, memo'd in chat, or just plain hugged. You all rock.

Sa"RinkGroupie for life"ra