>
> >Sara: But it's still rough. I haven't cried yet, and technically I still feel emotionally numb. I've never broken up before. I don't know HOW I'm supposed to feel, or what I'm supposed to do.
>
>Sam: koalamom will respond to this post, and this part in particular.

I'm becoming utterly predictable, aren't I? I'm not sure what I can add to Sam's comprehensive and compassionate post, since he has taken all my best lines already: that there's no right way or wrong way to feel, but what really matters is how you deal with those feelings.

I will add, as far as dealing with feelings: I've observed, in both myself and others, that there is often an apparent need to "reinvent" oneself after a breakup. You know, you A) dye your hair, and/or B) move house, and/or C) become a vegetarian and/or D) get a dog or a new hobby (one friend of mine took up skydiving after her divorce)

I think we may do these things to distract ourselves from our pain; or to fill the social vacuum we may suddenly find ourselves in; or perhaps they are a bit of a defense mechanism (proving that you are *too* a worthwhile/exciting/desirable person with an interesting life, so *there*). Or, it may simply be that since you're making a fresh start in the relationship area, it spills over into other areas of your life too.

So, as far as "what I'm supposed to do" --well, don't be surprised if you find yourself doing things you maybe ordinarily wouldn't do. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, just something to be aware of. It doesn't hurt to ask yourself, "why am I really doing this?" ( I was a bit worried about my skydiving friend there for a while in that respect)--check your motivation.

And for Christians , our motivation should ultimately, and ideally be, "to glorify God". This goes beyond just what to do with your time after breaking up, obviously. It kind of goes with the first part of your post about God's plan for your life. Whether we support or thwart God's plans for our lives comes down, I think, to our decisions and actions day in and day out.

Small digression: Speaking of decisions and actions, I heard a Christian say that the biggest lie she ever heard was "there's just not enough hours in the day" She asserted that God has provided us with enough hours in the day to do what He needs us to do that day. This that had a profound impact on my thinking and has helped me to consciously try to prioritize things on God's terms, instead of on my terms (an enormous struggle for distractible me).


Back to the breakup:
> >Sara: It was resolved in the best way possible, in that we both are "friends" (aside from the requisite residual awkwardness) and there was no fight that ended it all.
>
> Sam:That's unusual. I don't mean that it's unusual to remain friends, though certainly it's common for that not to be the case, but it's unusual for two people to be *able* to remain friends. Usually the emotions are just too close and strong for a friendship to be feasible to maintain.
>You have to let it all go for the wounds to heal.

I agree--while it's commendable to want to remain friends, it's a balancing act that can be hard to maintain. For me, when it was over, it was over. Somehow, friendship could blossom into romance, but an ended romance did not translate back into friendship very well, if that makes sense. I never wished anybody any ill, but neither did I remain close friends. I guess it was a way to guard my heart. You may, after a while, decide that it is not working out for him to still be the shoulder you cry on, and that's okay--it is okay to decide to move on.

On suffering:
>Sam: What gets me through suffering is the knowledge that it is a prime opportunity to learn >to trust God better .
>I've learned also to pray that I would learn what God has to teach me from the experience. That kind of prayer teaches patience, teaches one to wait on the Lord, and turns the endurance of suffering from a passive thing into an active thing
>"...that almost everything I know that's worth anything in an eternal sense comes from suffering.

This has been on my mind a lot lately, the idea that suffering is a gift from God, meant to make us holy. Somehow I associate this with a somewhat Catholic viewpoint?--I don't know if anyone could enlighten me on that.

Ultimately: You are going to be fine. I don't know that you need advice so much as you
just need time, since you already seem to have quite a lot of insight :-)


PS If you would care to post more about it, I'd be very interested to hear about your mission trip experience.