> Umm....I need someone's advice on somethings as soon as possible. First of all, I had a friend who committed suicide in January, and in a way I'm not completely over it. My boyfriend and I are in love, but I want us to be closer and I am afraid to tell him that I'm still not over the suicide. I'm woried that he will want to leave me.

My guess is that if he would leave you over something like this, then it will be a darn good thing to be rid of him sooner rather than later. What use could you have for somebody who will only be supportive of you in the good times? We need people most of all in the tough times. "A friend in need is a friend indeed" is a "wise saying" for a reason.

That said, I can't imagine why someone *would* bail on you over something like that. The death of a friend is a tough thing to cope with, and it hasn't been all that long. Unless there is some complication here that you haven't mentioned. It's pretty hard to give advice on the basis of what you've said in this post alone. I don't know anything about you, about your friend, or about your boyfriend. There's no easy answer for situations like this -- which doesn't mean there *aren't* any answers, but I'm not going to be able to tell what they are based on a single paragraph of information. These are very personal and very complex emotions and fears you are dealing with.

The best advice I can give you is to seek out counseling of some kind. Talk to someone who is trained and knowledgeable in how to help people such as yourself. Talk to someone who can get to know you, ask you questions about your relationship with your friend and boyfriend, and really get to know the situation here. That'll go a lot further than taking the shot in the dark approach of posting to a random web site and hoping somebody will be able to help. You picked a good web site -- there are a lot of intelligent and caring people here -- but ultimately we are a bunch of people who don't know the situation and in most cases don't have the experience it takes to offer professional-quality advice on the subject anyway. But such people are out there. There is help to be had.

Lastly, I'm not sure what your ideas about God are, but I would suggest asking God's help. Pray. God is there, God loves you, and He knows better than anyone what's needed here. I can't tell you how many times God has guided me through an emotionally difficult situation of one sort or another. Sometimes peace and direction can be found simply in prayer; other times, it takes cracking a Bible and reading God's advice there. Frequently the answers you get aren't for the questions you asked. You might ask, "Should I tell my boyfriend?" while God's answer might have something more to do with founding your emotional wellbeing in a place so solid it ultimately doesn't matter whether you tell your boyfriend or not. Whatever the end results, there is help to be had.

I'll keep this situation in my prayers.