> Poof! I disappear in a puff of smoke!
>
> I'm going to wind and wander around New York for a week, so you won't hear from me for a while....

I've got the mother-in-law and the sister-in-law visiting us in NYC as well. You should've mentioned you were heading to NYC, 'cause it's time for

Tips for Yisitors to the Big Apple:

Don't go to the top of the World Trade Center for the view, go to the Empire State Building. It's a better view and half the price. Shorter lines usually. At the ESB, when in the room to buy the tickets, get in the right line, not the left one no matter how much shorter the left line looks. It's actually longer.

Head to Chelsea Piers and take the Chelsea Screamer speedboat tour in the evening. You'll get a great view of the Statue of Liberty with a neat sunset behind it.

If you really want to go up to the crown at the Statue of Liberty, get to Battery Park (where you get the tickets) early in the day. The lines getting to the Statue on the island and the lines getting back to the ferry to get off the island are very long. If you don't want to climb the statue, take the speedboat tour -- you'll save a lot of time in line and you'll get a great photo of the statue.

Also on the water: Outside of the World Financial Center (just north of Battery Park, across the street from the World Trade Center) on the river is a white tent. This is the ferry to Hoboken. Take the ferry at night, go through the terminal and go to the park on the pier. At night, this is an excellent view of the Manhattan skyline. Then just take the ferry back.

You want to see a broadway show? Over at Times Square, there's a discount ticketseller called TKTS. They offer 25% to 50% discounts off of tickets for that day's performances. The Times Square location is very crowded, everyone knows about this one. Don't go there. Instead, go to the TKTS office in the World Trade Center (in 2 WTC): lines are a fourth the size and it's indoors (something important if it's raining). Know what you want when you get to the window, or they'll kick you out of line.

No matter how easy it looks, you'll never pick the Red Queen. Just keep walking.

Get a Fun Pass Metrocard. These are $4 subway pass cards, good for all day long on the subways (best way to get around the city) and the busses (the worst way to get around the city). Avoid the green line during rush hour.

Don't make eye contact on the subway.

You know that "Walk/Don't Walk" sign at intesections? Merely a suggestion. Instead, watch for oncoming traffic when crossing or your fellow pedestrians for cues. Never walk in front of a taxi. In midtown, never stop walking just because the "Don't Walk" sign is illuminated -- you'll be trampled by the people behind you.

Oh, and get some Belguim french fries at Pommes Frites, just two blocks north of Times Square on Seventh Avenue. Try the rosemary garlic mayo topping or the Hawaiian pineapple mustard (tangy!).

-Faux "I gotcher quote right here!" Pas