I got to Boston at stupid o'clock Saturday morning, and was immediately accosted by two hot chicks and this big lumbering ugly dude. It was pretty whacked out. Mousie was every bit the ball of energy I rememberd from my 3 minute experience with her back in March, so I was prepared for that. It turns out Mia doesn't actually have vocal chords, though. Everything she said was in a throaty whisper. I was going to buy her one of those voiceboxes like Ned has, but decided I didn't really care enough to do that. Stephen was pretty much exactly as I pictured him, which is to say ugly and a bundle of sticks.

We drove for about seven hundred hours to Manchester, whereupon we all went to bed. Stephen kept me up all night babbling about stuff I didn't care about, but the joke was on him anyway. We got a totally l33t one hour of sleep, and then I had to drink about a gallon of coffee to stay awake the rest of the day. I hate coffee.

Mousie sat next to me on Saturday. I was so going camping. Rivikah showed up and everyone was like "Who are you?" Her picture is all "Children of the Corn vs. Evil Amish Ghost Children of DOOM", but the reality is 100% HOTTY. I think there were probably some other people there too, but I was distracted.

Sam made us play some games. Some other stuff happened. Then we went to lunch. Lunch was all l33t and stuff, because I had a huge sandwich and threw stuff at Leen. It was pretty cool. But I had to sit next to Darien, and I think I caught gay.

After lunch came the best part of the RU by far. I read a bad movie review and totally threatened to kill Grishny with a hammer. I don't know which part was better. Mrs. Grishny seemed to think it was a good idea, but Grishny Junior was too cute, so I decided not to do it.

Then everything sort of went downhill after that, which is totally understandable, since I'm such a hard act to follow. I caught a quick nap on the floor while Darien was making fun of me with his poem. I sang some song with Stephen and Darien, but they kept singing the wrong lyrics so they screwed me up. I was the only one who could actually sing, though, so I'm obviously way more l33t. We watched Sinbad, and I made some totally hardcore comments MST3K style, which made me l33tmaster of movietime, too. We were going to watch another movie, but the chairs were all sucky so we decided to skip it and just hang in the crib until we got hungry. Mousie dissappeard, and Stephen and Darien talked gay talk for awhile while I totally impressed Mina and Mia with my burping skills. Chicks dig burping. When we got hungry I called Mousie since she had the l33t wheels, but she said SHE WAS NAKED and couldn't come over right then. I totally had a brain cramp for about fifteen minutes thinking about that, and finally Mousie showed up and we went and found some Chinese place that was just closing and forced them to feed us. We were all "You're going to feed us or we'll totally bomb you again like we did in WWII!!!" and the guy goes "I'm Chinese not Japanese you idiot" and I was all "SHUT UP AND MAKE ME MY MOO GOO GAI PAN!"

Then we went back to the hotel and tried to sleep, except that Stephen and Darien kept talking so I couldn't.

On Sunday I rode in the "other" van with Sam and Leen and Elly and famous and Cynthia and Jaguar (and if you don't know who that is, tough). It was pretty l33t. Leen ran down some homeless people on the way, which I thought was totally worth 40 points but Sam only gave her 35. But she got one with the door so I really thought that was an extra 5 points, but no, Sam said it wasn't worth the extra 5 unless they did a complete flip after the door hit them. I thought Sam was being a rules Nazi on that one, but go figure.

I told some stories while Elly wrote down everything I said (she totally wants me, i can tell) and Cynthia said nothing which everyone said was really amazing because apparently she talks all the time. As it turns out we hung with Cynthia later on and found out that yes, indeed, she does talk all the time. But at least she didn't talk about stupid stuff like Darien and Stephen did.

We saw the Old Man of the Mountain, which exists, and Sam took a bunch of people to see the Old Woman of the Mountain, which does not. It was just an excuse to make a bunch of people walk up a big hill, which I cleverly avoided by not actually doing it. Then we went and found some ICE CEAM!. Then we went to Loon, where we met this totally HARDCORE Mountain Man. He was all "I eat bears" and "People are da evil". He ruled. I was going to try to get him to come to chat, but he ate the computer.

Then everyone else went through some caves, while I went the l33t way and didn't. It's l33t to take shortcuts. Besides, these weren't actually caves, they were just rocks sort of leaning against each other.

Then we went to the flume, which is basically a river with MORE ROCKS. Yahoo. The bus was totally lame, except for the part where the bus driver got totally owned when he tried to flush out the Super Friends down by the river. If I'd known the bus only went exactly 400 feet up the hill, I would have been hardcore and walked.

Then we went back to Manchester, which as it turned out was actually several thousand miles away from where we were. I totally thought the RU should be in Nashua, since Nashua is way more hardcore than Manchester, but Sam was all "Narf garfle" so that was that.

We went to dinner somewhere in Europe, judging by the distance we had to drive, and I had food. Then we went back.

Darien was all "We should go home now" but Stephen and I totally ripped on him until he decided to stay. Then we yelled "BURN" and "CRUD" for hours while Mina and Mia tried to sleep. Then Darien was all "We should go home" and so Stephan and I ripped on him for a few more hours until he decided to stay again. Then Stephen and I ripped on D&D, which of all the nasty things we said all weekend long was the one thing that actually offended Darien. I should have known he was a D&D nut. It was pretty l33t.

The next day Darien came down with smallpox and called in sick to work. Then he and Mina left and Stephen and I totally ripped on him some more afterwards. I called Mousie (who had dissapeared again) and told her Mina and Darien were leaving, but she said SHE WAS NAKED and talked to them on the phone instead. I sort of don't remember the next few hours.

Then we had lunch and drove Stephen to the airport, and then I got to be ALONE with Mousie for what felt like several days on our trip to Boston. But she totally forgot to put the moves on me, even though I could tell she wanted me. Then I came home and yelled at Stephen and Darien on AIM some more.

THE END

-- Dave