Have the fight start over an argument about the best types of tea, or over the proper way to eat cheese. This should involve plenty of attempted slurs and curses that fall flat. Silly, stupid, or bad metaphors and non-sequiturs work great. For example:

"Your manners are like an offensive odor to the noble nose of my ancestor's honor!"

"Herbal tea flies in the face of good taste." "Oh yes? Well green tea swims in the waters of bad taste!" "Herbal tea *is* the water of bad taste, and cinnamon!" "And green tea swims through it! Ha!"

This scene ought to pass very quickly, as fight movies always have people break into fights at a moment's notice. Repartee is great fun.

"Your punch is as light as a feather's touch. My honor cries out to give you mercy, but my fists will not hear." "Your honor and your fists will cry more when my feather has broken your camel's back. How I thirst for vengeance!" "Hah! My camel of endurance will be a patient vulture and wait for your thirsty death."

"Fear my feet!"

"I will first bruise you into submission and then until I win."

"How can I say this? Prepare for hurt."

"Your great skill at fighting is no match for my greater skill at fighting!"

"Ha. You forget to always keep your eye on one's opponent, most especially when fighting an opponent who is not in view."

Most of the fighting movies I've seen are Asian ones dubbed into English, which provide picturesque word combinations and unusual idioms. The awkwardness is half the fun, but cheesiness can be achieved other ways, like your roommate's gaming. To find more of the same, you might try going to an arcade.

After the fight, the winner should suddenly pay respects to the loser, praising him and expressing cheesy regret.

"I am thankful for the opportunity to finally meet my equal for an opponent. It grieves me that he was so easily dispatched."

He should then gaze meaningfully at a hitherto unseen but apparently sentimental object of his, and lay it gently on the body of the vanquished.

gab"Obviously made this up as he went along."by