I was just browsing through the messages from my hiatus a while back (and I now realize exactly what a good idea paginating the message forum turned out to be - loading the "all messages" page took several seconds from my T1 connection!), and I saw a thread from Dave concerning nicknames and such (this message links to that thread at the bottom). This got me interested. I was absent at the time, and many others were either absent then or have shown up since. Any stories behind your names? I'll go first.

"Darien K. Dreamweaver" is one name I'm known by (only I know what the "K" stands for, and I'm not telling). I actually am known by this name outside of the 'net. It is one of several identities of mine - Darien is the identity I go by in more southerly areas of the country (people here in New York know me as Brandön X. Sumner), and is a more mysterious persona than most.

I do believe my parents and brother are the only people who actually know what my true name is. So I suppose Darien is the closest I actually come to a true identity. Or it's close enough, anyway.

Why do I go by other names? It's a by-product of an exceptionally distressed and anxious childhood. I was a very closed-off, isolated child (by my own choice) and I never wanted anyone else to get anywhere near me. So I invented other names for myself, because I felt that if someone didn't know my name, there wasn't anything he could do to me to hurt me. And so I am known to different people in different places as different things. Not all of them are very different, mind you - but I don't think anyone outside of my family knows the entirety of my true name.

I came out of the walled-off, keep-away-from-me phase entirely spontaneously, actually, in one solitary instant my junior year of high school. The catalyst (warning: this message is about to become sappy) was when I fell in love. This girl was perfect - and I mean that. Problem was, she was so much better than I that I never really had a chance, and I knew it. But I was bound and determined to try anyway.

Over the next two years, I changed a lot. I cleaned up my act, I got my academics back on track, and, most importantly, I began to see people as people - what Buber would call an "I-Thou" relationship. I let people in, and I began to care about people. And that has stayed with me.

The one lingering remnant of my old isolationism is the name game. I still feel uncomfortable (though why, I do not know) with people knowing my real name. However, about seven weeks ago I had a major trauma that has caused some significant personality shifts; I've become much less inhibited, and I'm even more acessible as a person. Who knows; perhaps, before long, I'll have no need for Darien anymore.

But I think I might keep him around anyway, just for old-times' sake. :-}

Darssertatien