> I came out of the walled-off, keep-away-from-me phase entirely spontaneously, actually, in one solitary instant my junior year of high school. The catalyst (warning: this message is about to become sappy) was when I fell in love. This girl was perfect - and I mean that. Problem was, she was so much better than I that I never really had a chance, and I knew it. But I was bound and determined to try anyway.
>

Funny what a girl will make you do, isn't it? I was motivated to acquire a modicum of charm, wit and sociability while wooing an adorable girl in my church's youth group. I'm still an introvert, but certainly not the walled-in person of my adolescence. Spending time by myself mentally working through the kind of intense idealist teenage emotions I had was my way of maintaining self-control, and as the intensity of those youthful feelings diminished, I felt more at ease to be sociable.

From time to time, though, it bothers me to reflect on the fact that I've become a much less intense person internally--the tradeoff for participation in the world has been the watering down of feeling. Lately, I've had the pleasure of reclaiming some of what I think of as my older self in reading the short novels of Henry James, who so well portrays the strained conflicts between social expectation and internal ideals and desires in his characters. It's good grist for contemplation (if you'll pardon the mangled metaphor).

> Over the next two years, I changed a lot. I cleaned up my act, I got my academics back on track, and, most importantly, I began to see people as people - what Buber would call an "I-Thou" relationship. I let people in, and I began to care about people. And that has stayed with me.
>

Ah, Buber. Wasn't he one of the characters on Fraggle Rock? :-)

> The one lingering remnant of my old isolationism is the name game. I still feel uncomfortable (though why, I do not know) with people knowing my real name.
>

Not me. Y'all can call me Sterling J. Pierce anytime, although that's not my name, of course. If you want to call me by my real name, that would be David N. DeBoe. "Issachar" is fun, though.

> However, about seven weeks ago I had a major trauma that has caused some significant personality shifts; I've become much less inhibited, and I'm even more acessible as a person. Who knows; perhaps, before long, I'll have no need for Darien anymore.
>
> But I think I might keep him around anyway, just for old-times' sake. :-}
>

Yeah, and we like him around here.

Issarama