Reading your post, and many of the responses to it, I felt as if I was reading the story of my own high school years, and that causes me to have a great amount of concern for you. I too have experienced that manic-depressive feeling, and I know exactly what it is like to be surprised, startled, even scared by the things I had written only a day before. As I think Ellmyruh mentioned of one of her friends, I did not want help of any sort, and was for quite a while absolutely convinced that the only thing I had any interest left in was death. Remembering that now is still a very, very scary feeling...

I was extremely lucky in that I had one friend who must have been my guardian angel- and it was through her help alone that I was able to get rid of my depression and continue leading a "normal" life. I am only now beginning to realize the incredible, wonderful things I would have missed if I had remained content to die at only sixteen. I don't say this to convince you, because it is obvious to me through your posts that you *are* willing to get help for yourself.

I would suggest that, if you think you will have difficulty talking to a professional, begin by sharing some of those writings that you mentioned. Sharing a poem with my friend was the only was I was able to let her know just how much help I really needed.

Feel free to email me (my address is at the top) anytime if you want to talk, or share anything. I would be more than glad to try to return the caring and love that I received when I so desperately needed it.

My thoughts are with you.

~Mina