> Reading your post, and many of the responses to it, I felt as if I was reading the story of my own high school years, and that causes me to have a great amount of concern for you. I too have experienced that manic-depressive feeling, and I know exactly what it is like to be surprised, startled, even scared by the things I had written only a day before.

Mina, forgive me; I just want to interject a cautionary note here. It is not my intention to downplay the validity of your experiences. What you describe for yourself, regarding scary feelings of death and strange alien thoughts, underscores the intensity of your own time of trial. In that struggle with depression, you had the great fortune of having a true friend to support and encourage you always -- the way you have Darien now. :-) I am very glad indeed that it worked out so well.

Well, I just wanted to say, then, that notwithstanding the actual type of depression you had, most people also have mood swings in their high school years, occurring more or less the way you describe. Some people are simply naturally "moody"... They display a wide lassitude going from naturally exuberant to bitterly dejected, sometimes in a matter of minutes. So it can be difficult to distinguish between folks who are simply "moody" from those who are truly bipolar manic-depressive. The difference can be much more subtle, which is why if someone suspects he or she has a bipolar mood disorder it's important to have an expert evaluate the situation. With true manic-depression, it's not a good idea just to simply "find a friend" to talk over the illness and hope one will get over the humps and get better. In the case of continued untreated and uncontrolled bipolarity, there is indirect evidence that recurrent mania/depression episodes in some way change the chemistry of the brain, which over time makes bipolar disorder both more functionally impairing, and more difficult to treat. The medications that would have worked for those with just a few episodes become much less effective for those who have suffered dozens or more episodes. That's why Anonymous needs an evaluation NOW and not later. Better safe than sorry.

Some criteria to help distinguish a bipolar disorder from normal mood variation. Typically, bipolar disorder develops without any clear cause, and it's marked in most cases by alternating highs and lows that a person cannot control or change. The feeling is that of being on an emotional roller coaster: high-energy periods of euphoric activity, followed by major depressive episodes, and back again. *Key* symptoms include a sense of uncontrolled thought-racing and speeded speech, in the periods of increased activity and productivity; unpredictable temper outbursts; and a reduced need for sleep.

There are regional chapters and support groups available for people with depression and bipolar depression, such as listed at http://www.ndmda.org/ . If anyone looking for treatment lives in a remote region in Eastern Canada -- like Happy Valley Goose River or Kouchibouguac! -- I'll can see what I can do to put you in touch with any professionals that can help in your area. The city I live in specializes in the treatment of people from remote areas... The Inuit from far northern Quebec (Ungava Bay, Baffin Island) regularly fly down to Montreal for medical problems. Help is available; no one should suffer in silence for fear of embarrassment because he or she lives in a closed, isolated community.

> My thoughts are with you.
>
> ~Mina

God be with you Mina, and with you, Anonymous.