This was originally intended to be a song, as is much of my stuff, so that's why it isn't the most poetic-looking poem.

BOB ATE THE COUCH
by Dr. Eric Sleator McGill, Th.D.

I was having a party at home
In my big house that's shaped like a dome
The door opened and in walked Bob
I said "Oh no; Bob is a slob!"

At first everything was all right
Then I saw a horrible sight
In the living room Bob was slouched
Because he had eaten the couch!

That was such a rude thing to do
I threw my hands up; my plate flew
That got all the guests' attention
"Bob won't live to see his pension!"

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

So I said to him "You're a jerk
"You know, all my life I have worked
"To get money to get that couch
"You ate it you bet I'm a grouch!"

Says Bob, "Look here, don't throw a fit
"There are other places to sit
"Like on this chair." Says I, "It's broke,
"Down the middle, it ain't no joke."

"What about this table?" he said
"Look here, Bob, I'd rather be dead
"Though it cost so much, it is so
"Very unstable don't you know!"

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

I said "Bob you ain't got no class"
And I chucked him out on the grass
He had had one too many beers
When I threw him out the crowd cheered

Bob will never come back this way
And if he does I will just say
"I don't think so Bob you old bum
"I can't believe you are so dumb

"To think that I'll let you come back"
Then Bob's face, well, then I would smack
If he came back then I'd say "Stop!
"Or else I will call all the cops!"

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!
Bob ate the couch! Bob ate the couch!

Bob ate the couch!


-eric "not based on a true story" sleator
Thu 13 Jan A.D. 2000 (not original date of poem)