My own area of expertise is in those aspects of raising children that correlate with raising animals. No, it's not the same, and it's considerably less complex, but the principles overlap more than you might think. An example: If you tell a dog not to beg at the table 25 times in a row, then, on the 25th, throw a scrap of meat at it to make it go away, congratulations! You've just trained the dog to ignore your commands to get what he wants. Do this even once, and it's VERY hard to undo. If you hadn't screwed up, maybe on the 30th reprimand, the dog will have learned for life, but now that you have, it'll take orders of magnitude more effort to undo the damage.
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> Kids are smarter than dogs, more adaptable, and more able to understand complexities and change, so they're a little more recoverable from mistakes like this (though also more clever at searching for loopholes to exploit). But many parents screw their kids up this way ALL THE TIME. I see it in supermarkets everywhere I go. "Mom, can I have this?" / "No." / "Mom, can I have this?" / "No." / "Mom, can I have this?" / "No." / "Mom, can I have this?" / "OK, JUST BE QUIET!"
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> I don't need child-raising experience to tell me this is teaching the kid to nag and ignore what you say. It's common sense. And I've seen first-hand, repeatedly, how kids turn out in the long run when parents do this and when they are conscientious not to. On the other side of the coin, I also don't need parental experience to know that it's harder actually dealing with nagging children than knowing how to.

This is interesting. I was not going to post on this, because I *am* a parent, and don't want to be one of the preaching few. However, I have to say that despite all of my experience teaching, and all of the babysitting I did, the best practice I had for being a parent, bar none, was training a dog.

You're right. Much of what children learn is through repetition. And repetition. And repetition. Sometimes ad nauseaum. Sometimes ad whatever the latin word is for insanity. Sometimes it would be SO MUCH EASIER to give in. I could tell you stories - my daughter wrapped around a parking pole at Wal-Mart, screaming blue murder, while I silently chanted to myself "I don't know these people, and I don't care what they think about me." My daughter pitching a fit at the pool, refusing to come out - being the LAST child out, and me going in, fully clothed, to get her. (Apparently I have told you stories).
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> How DO you get a child not to whine and nag? I know some things to try, but now we're in territory where it only makes sense to defer to parental experience. The best answer is probably different with every kid anyway.

And there's a perfect example of a non-parent who is exactly right. My son (the low-maintenance child), only ever needed to be told "No." Never argued. Never pitched a fit. That was enough.

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> The point? You may be a parent, and I may not be, but that doesn't automatically mean you know the answers, and I don't. Maybe I do, and maybe I don't. Maybe you do, and maybe you don't. If we don't make any stereotypical judgments about each other, we'll be able to share our opinions and find out.

Amen to that. Personally, I'll take all the advice I can get. I'll listen, and maybe ignore it, but I'll listen. Many smart people have children. Many smart people don't. This goes hand-in-hand with my theory that as mothers, we would all do a lot better if we'd quit judging each other(bottle feeding vs. breast feeding, soothers vs. none, T.V. or no T.V., home schooling vs. public schooling - you chose the issue), and just try to help and support each other. It's craziness to assume that you know what you're doing just because you have a child. Most of the time I'm convinced of the exact opposite, actually. And if someone offers me goofy advice, I just take my Mom's advice, and smile, and nod, and ignore them.

Here's to parents who listen. And here's to non-parents who actually care enough to offer a well thought-out opinion. Here's to meeting in the middle. Most of all, God bless all the non-parents in the world who love and care about my children, and other people's children, and who are willing to put themselves out there as supportive, "extra adults" in kids lives. "It takes a village" is a cliche because it's true.

teach
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