This afternoon, I called my equestrian coach. He had told me I could ride the school's horses occasionally over the summer to keep in practice, so I called him to see if I could ride this Friday. It took me five minutes to work up the courage to dial the phone, and I was almost in a cold sweat by the time the other end started ringing. When I got the answering machine, a wave of relief that I wasn't going to actually have to talk to someone swept over me. I left a message and hung up.

This--the mental anguish and nervousness--happens every time I call someone. It's not as bad when someone calls me, but it's excruciating when I call someone else. I feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself to the other person, or like I'm not going to express myself clearly, even when it's a friend I'm calling. Last year when I met Quartz, who's been one of my best friends for five years, I had to sit for twenty minutes trying to work up the courage to dial her number. I even have a hard time calling up Venturers--most of whom are 14 and 15 years old!--just to remind them of meeting and activity times!

I think some of it can be chalked up to my extreme shyness (which is also why it took me three years to be thought of as a regular around here and why I'm normally very quiet in Chat), and the fact that I never really used the telephone before starting college (I was never allowed to answer the phone because my parents run a business from home and always wanted to give the impression that it was a large, professional company). But I still feel like there must be something more to it--and certainly there must be something I can do to overcome it.

Has anyone ever heard of or experienced a feeling like this? Any thoughts on the matter? I am really sick of stressing over it.

La"*insert primal scream here*"Zorra