> I recently wrote a short humor piece about NASCAR racing, and I want to try it out here and see what the Rink community thinks about it before I turn it loose on the racing fans. The point of it all is to use the overworked expressions that you hear from commentators during a race. This is fiction. After the first sentence, none of it is true. And I'm not ready for that kind of scooter.
>
> If you aren't a race fan, expressions like "pushes like a dump truck, bump and run, and wicked loose," won't mean much, but tune into a NASCAR race and you will hear them. You might also learn about "downforce" and "too much gear."
>
> COOT RACING
> I'm and old coot who has been a NASCAR fan for 50 years. But the long walk from the parking lot to the front stretch grandstand is getting to be too much, so I acquired one of those little battery powered scoots that fill the gap between walking with a cane and riding in a wheelchair. It is not very fast.
>
> Nevertheless, I got into a race the other day in the Hardy's parking lot. The other old coot was a Formula One fan. Naturally, his scoot was an open-wheel model, while mine has little fenders. It didn't take long for me to find out that this thing was never intended to race. It pushes like a dump truck going into a corner and gets wicked loose coming off. I think I might have a little too much gear in it. But with 180 pounds of flab on board, it has plenty of down force.
>
> Well, as you might guess, I had trouble passing the other old coot, but by staying in his draft I was able to close up behind him. I had to use a bump and run to beat him, but I won. I did a nice burnout.
>
> Howard

You forgot "another round of wedge", "spotter", "marbles", "mirror full of (name of guy you're ahead of)", and, of course, "victory lane". And you also forgot to thank all 91 of your sponsors, as well as your teammates.

Other than that, I got it. ;-)

The Other Matthew