I recently wrote a short humor piece about NASCAR racing, and I want to try it out here and see what the Rink community thinks about it before I turn it loose on the racing fans. The point of it all is to use the overworked expressions that you hear from commentators during a race. This is fiction. After the first sentence, none of it is true. And I'm not ready for that kind of scooter.

If you aren't a race fan, expressions like "pushes like a dump truck, bump and run, and wicked loose," won't mean much, but tune into a NASCAR race and you will hear them. You might also learn about "downforce" and "too much gear."

COOT RACING
I'm and old coot who has been a NASCAR fan for 50 years. But the long walk from the parking lot to the front stretch grandstand is getting to be too much, so I acquired one of those little battery powered scoots that fill the gap between walking with a cane and riding in a wheelchair. It is not very fast.

Nevertheless, I got into a race the other day in the Hardy's parking lot. The other old coot was a Formula One fan. Naturally, his scoot was an open-wheel model, while mine has little fenders. It didn't take long for me to find out that this thing was never intended to race. It pushes like a dump truck going into a corner and gets wicked loose coming off. I think I might have a little too much gear in it. But with 180 pounds of flab on board, it has plenty of down force.

Well, as you might guess, I had trouble passing the other old coot, but by staying in his draft I was able to close up behind him. I had to use a bump and run to beat him, but I won. I did a nice burnout.

Howard