> May 2 - X-Men 2

I actually liked X-Men quite a bit in the theater, though I don't really remember why anymore. The trailer for the second movie is incredible. Since the movie shouldn't have to spend half its running time with setting up the characters, let's hope it can improve on the first. Somebody please make Halle Berry stop with the accent, too.

> May 15 - The Matrix Reloaded

Let me be the guy to champion this movie, since everyone else seems to be down on it. Here's what it has going for it: Andy and Larry Wachowski. Yeah, it's a sequel, but despite what Faux Pas says it's clear from the incredible number of unanswered questions in the first movie that they were at least thinking of a sequel from the start. All of the other work set in the Matrix universe (the short fiction/comics on the Web site, the Animatrix shorts) has been incredible, and I think there's a ton of stuff to do with these films.

Besides, can anyone else name a more stylistic action movie than "The Matrix" that wasn't made by Luc Besson? I can't. Keanu gets dumped on a lot, for good reason, but I'm relatively certain the Wachowskis won't try and force a bunch of dialogue on him. The one thing this film (and the third) has going for it is that it shouldn't have to carry all the exposition the first movie did. And, if you'll remember, we have Laurence Fishburne to handle that stuff.

I am going to miss Joey Pants, though.

> June 13 - When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer
>
> I never saw the first one, but I was told I should. *shrug*

I did and it's one of my favorite guilty pleasures. This movie has nobody involved with the first movie. Most importantly, it's missing the Farrely brothers who are the only people who can really do this kind of humor correctly. Lame.

> June 20 - Hulk

Yeah, yeah, I know it's Ang Lee. But... it's "The Hulk." It's a stupid idea. The comic books are stupid. The TV show was stupid. It's about a guy who gets angry and smashes stuff. Why do I want to see this?

Comic book rant: look, comic books about superheroes generally suck. Why do they keep making movies about them? "The Hulk" has to be only slightly better than "Superman" in terms of actual interesting stuff to do with the character. There are plenty of good comic books that aren't about the average superheroes who go around fighting crime (of course, look what's happened to "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"). "Blade" was a good comic-book movie, for instance. Enough with the standard DC/Marvel lineup. If Hollywood is going to raid comics, it would be better served by stealing from ones that don't suck.

> June 27 - Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

The first one sucked. This one will suck.

> July 2 - Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

The first two ruled, then the guy who created the series left. Arnold hasn't been in a good movie since... uh... "True Lies?" This movie reeks of cash-in.

> July 9 - Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
>
> Stephen predicts this will be the best movie based on a ride ever, which would mean, roughly, "Better than The Country Bears!" What I want to know is why this movie hasn't been done sooner. (Probably "Cutthroat Island" is the answer.) I love seafaring epics, especially if they have pirates in them.

I'm with Sam. Pirate movies rule. This will probably be stupid, but pirates and boats and Johnny Depp. At least it'll be worthwhile until A&E brings over the new Horatio Hornblower movies.

> July 11 - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

WHY? WHY!? ARGH. STEPHEN SMASH HOLLYWOOD FOR TAKING GOOD COMIC BOOK AND STRIPPING AWAY STUFF THAT MAKE IT GOOD!

I don't get the thought process that went into this film. "Yes, we'll take one of the most clever and original concepts ever... and rip off 'The Matrix.' An intelligent adventure movie? Nah, give Mina Murray tight leather and vampire powers. That's the ticket!"

> July 18 - Johnny English
>
> Rowan Atkinson is funny,

No he's not. Neither is the trailer for this movie.

> July 18 - Bad Boys II
>
> Didn't see the original.

Me neither, and I never had any desire to until I saw the trailer for this movie which had me in stitches. I know it's Michael Bay, but... "Oh, it's the negroes!" is one of the best lines ever.

> July 25 - Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
>
> I do not hold the first Tomb Raider film in high regard, but I did admire the way it looked and felt exactly like a video game, right down to the game-logic puzzles ("first you shoot the laser in the idol's mouth, and then you kill the badguys that come out of the walls, and then you stand on the hexagon and...").

This is a good thing why? I don't get at all why people liked the first movie. It made no sense, had incredibly weird pacing and just felt like a big sloppy mess. I'd rather watch "The Mummy Returns" and I hated that movie, too. Video game movies are the only thing worse than comic book movies.

> July 25 - Seabiscuit
>

Oh, but the title is weird what does it mean? It's not like it's the name of one of the most famous horses ever and a best-selling novel or anything. This looks great. Tobey Maguire, despite his involvement in a comic book movie, is a fantastic actor who picks great scripts.

> August 1 - Tough Love
>
> J.Lo and B.Aff star in this hitman mob comedy thing. *shrug*

I am waiting for the sure-to-be-superior B.A. and J-Lo pairing this year -- Kevin Smith's "Jersey Girl."

> August 15 - Freddy Vs. Jason
>
> After eons in development hell, it looks like this is finally happening. If this isn't destined to be IABBBBM material, I don't know what is.

YES YES YES!!! The only bad thing about this movie is that it's sort of like another "Nightmare" film, which sucks because that series ended so well. I can't get enough Jason, though. I hope this movie makes a billion dollars and then Fox makes "Alien vs. Predator." Just so long as "Robocop vs. Terminator" doesn't happen...

Ste "I'm sick, so that explains why I may seem more bitter than normal" phen