The main theme of conversation around here lately (at least, at the times I've been on) seems to be general wailing and gnashing of teeth at how "all the good people are leaving" and how terrible that is. Now, I stand by my initial response to Ellmyruh's post, in saying that she will be a major loss to the community here. I also empathise with those people who are feeling left out or alone, as they imagine the community they've known disappearing over the horizon like the residents of Tokyo fleeing Godzilla. Personally I'm starting to feel the same way, and more than a little left out. I haven't had a lengthy conversation with any friends here except Dave and Stephen, in a long time now, and that's always been on AIM instead of chat or forum.

However, I think some people are missing a big point. I'm going to use Ellmyruh as an example here, since her post is what's touched off this latest wave of misery, but it applies to online friendships in general.

Ellmyruh didn't DIE, people. She didn't even run away to join the Amish, although that's a wildly entertaining mental image. She's still online. She's still on AIM, on LiveJournal, on email, and basically she is still every bit as much a member of the "community" as she has always been. My first thought when she said she was leaving was "But how can anybody, let alone a seemingly nice person like Ellmyruh, just leave their friends cold like that, after years of friendship?" I must admit this shocked me, and made me wonder if I had seriously misread her as a person. Of course, I very quickly found out that this was not the way she intended her post to be read. *ALL* she's doing is not coming to the chatroom anymore, or reading the forum.

Yes, this is a loss to both the chatroom and the forum. It's a major loss. But what are we talking about when we say she's a loss to the community here? SHE HASN'T LEFT THE COMMUNITY HERE.

The "community" isn't a site. It's *people*, regardless of whether they interact in person, in this chatroom, in any other chatroom, or by sending postcards written in crayon. Three quarters of you have already opened livejournals and started posting there instead of here. Half of my friends have been conversing more on AIM or other systems than in the chatroom, for YEARS now. Does that mean you're not part of my online community? I haven't been in the chatroom at the same time as Cynthia for months now. Does that mean I'm expected to mourn her as if she got trampled flat by escaped wildebeests, even though I talk to her on AIM every day or so?

I want to add one more thing which I think is important to this whole issue. Keeping friends, whether here or offline, is a two-way process. When your friend moves away, you can sit around being unhappy about how they've abandoned you and how much your life is going to suck now that they aren't here to entertain you all the time, or you can STAY IN TOUCH WITH THEM. Sure, maybe you don't see them so often, or maybe you have to put in more effort. That's what friendship requires. You have to put in the effort. Email your friends. Send them something in the mail. Memo them, if you know they go to the chatroom now and then.

I've been guilty of not putting in much effort lately, myself, and I only realised it the other day when I caught myself feeling miserable and left out because I haven't spoken to Sam or Leen in about two thousand years. I then realised I have their email addresses -- heck, I have their HOME PHONE NUMBER -- so whose fault is it if our friendship has slid a little lately just because they're not online at the same time I am?

I really hope this post isn't read as some sort of anti-Ellmyruh tirade, because I intend it in exactly the opposite way. Friends are important, and the community of friends I have here is almost the most important thing in my world. I love Rinkworks as a site, but if the "community" and the "site" ever completely part ways, that won't affect my love for either one, and it certainly shouldn't stop me from keeping those friendships.

Brunnen-"actually this whole post was just a bid for more people to send me memos"G