> > What are the absolute best jokes you've ever heard, ever?
>
> (You're going to regret asking this, dear ;-})

No, I don't. :-) I found out why my Mom wants the funny stuff... She wants jokes that would go over well with a group, a mixed audience. She didn't tell me why so that I wouldn't "limit" the kind of bite on the humor. I presume that means that slightly off-colour and politically incorrect jokes are acceptable too.


> Hmm... a lot of my best stuff is in Really Bad Jokes nowadays, but let me see... there's a pair of short story-jokes I'm very fond of:

Great, thanks!

While I don't have anything nearly apropos as yours, I did locate a couple that (at least) I find interesting. Here's one, the "Good Parts Alternate ending to C&H":

HOW THE COMIC STRIP "CALVIN & HOBBES" SHOULD HAVE ENDED

"Somebody mentioned that Hobbes could have eaten Calvin, and then he'd get Bill Watterson's space in the papers. But IMHO, there's only one possible good ending for the strip. It would have had to take place over the course of several days:

Calvin's dad dies, and, after a disgracefully short period of time, his mom marries Uncle Max. Calvin imagines that he's visited by his father's ghost, who reveals that Max murdered him. He asks Calvin to avenge his death.

Calvin starts acting increasingly erratic. Mrs. Wormwood goes over to his house to discuss his attitude with his mother. While they talk, Mrs. Wormwood looks out the window and sees Calvin coming up the front walk. Figuring that six hours/day is more than enough time to spend with him, she decides to hide behind a curtain until he leaves.

Calvin storms in the door, and begins berating his mother for incestuously marrying her husband's brother. He sees motion behind the curtain. Thinking that Max is spying on him, he throws a snowball-with-a-rock-inside at the curtain. Mrs. Wormwood falls to the ground, her skull crushed.

Distraught over the death of her favorite teacher, Susie Derkins throws herself into the creek and drowns.

Max is disturbed at the course of events, and decides to get rid of Calvin. He makes a parcel-bomb, and asks Calvin to deliver it to his principal. His plan is for Calvin and the principal to both be blown up. Knowing Calvin's distaste for school, the authorities will assume the Calvin built the bomb himself and not investigate.

On his way to school, Calvin runs into Rosslyn the babysitter and her boyfriend Charlie. He asks them to deliver the package for him. Rosslyn, Charlie, and the principal are all killed in the ensuing explosion, but Calvin is blocks away and is unharmed.

Max realizes that Calvin will soon connect him with the explosion, and decides that he must act quickly. He gives Calvin a pocketknife, and encourages him to pick a fight with Moe, the school bully. Unknown to Calvin, Max has also given a knife to Moe...this one with a poisoned blade. To be doubly safe, he adds the poison to a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and puts it in the cupboard: Even if Calvin somehow survives the knife fight, he'll die the next morning at breakfast.

Calvin and Moe get into a fight, and Calvin is stabbed. In the struggle, he manages to exchange blades with Moe, and to stab Moe with the poisoned blade. As the poison starts to take effect, Calvin realized that Max betrayed him, and, with his last breath, he plunges the knife deep into Max's chest.

Upon hearing the news, Calvin's mom feels faint, and decides to have a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs to give her energy to get through the next few hours. The poison kills her, as well.

In the final strip, Hobbes says something cynical about human beings, and walks away from the carnage, not looking back.

(I probably don't need to say this, but I'd just like to remind everyone that this is *my* idea, and in the event that it ever gets used, I expect to receive proper credit.
- Charles Don Hall)"


...Here's another one à la Far Side:

There's an abandoned baby carriage in a park, with the parents nowhere in sight. A baby is in the carriage, but far from being upset, the baby's arms are flung out expectantly, and there's a wide grin upon its toothless mouth. On the handlebars of the carriage sit two birds, with one bird looking much more tired and bedraggled than the other. The weary bird looks down at the eager baby, then looks back at its companion and says: "It's still hungry!... And I've been stuffing it with worms all day."