Americas finest new source, "The Onion" does a scarily accurate horoscope every couple of weeks.

For example:

Aries: (March 21--April 19)
You will be shot by your girlfriend and shunned by society after taking relationship advice from the editors of Maxim.


Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
Your conviction that good things come to those who wait is cited as the cause of your starvation death at a bus stop.


Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
One of your wildest dreams will suddenly come true. Unfortunately, it's the one in which each of the demon's fangs has its own little shrieking face.


Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Your belief that you are a pawn in a much larger game is untrue. The game is not all that large.


Bo"why study when you have the internet?"urne