I had an email today which was a bit scary while being completely hilarious at the same time.

It was a general mailout from Coastguard to those of us who use the same building as the police helicopter unit, warning us of death threats which have been coming in, aimed at the helicopter unit, from a person described reassuringly in the email as "mentally unstable but intelligent (the worst kind)". After listing this person's threats and telling us that nobody knows what he looks like, but we should be on the lookout for him anyway because he wants to kill us and he knows where we work, the email concluded thus:

"Obviusly this is a concern, given the amount of staff and equipment at [the building]...Can all staff please ensure that all doors are shut."

I don't know why this struck me as so insanely funny, but it did. With your dying breath, try to push the door shut with your foot so he can't steal the equipment too, OK?

Brunnen-"they can take our lives, but they can NEVER ... TAKE ... OUR ... PHOTOCOPIER PAPER!"G