Stephen's post was (oddly) rather accurate, but he left out several details. So here is the *real* story of what happened.

Starting a few days before the RinkUnion, that l0x0r Stephen kept calling me. So I feel obligated to report that he apparently lives with a mexican woman who spends her time denying that he lives there.

Nothing worth talking about happened at the 'union until about noon on Saturday - which, coincidentally, is when I showed up. The first person I met (whom I did not already know) was Faux Pas - he surprised me a little, as I did not realize that he was coming to the RU. He also turned out to be way more HARDCORE than I expected, but I'll elaborate on that more later. His wife, Tamara, was also pretty HARDCORE.

Issachar rules just as much as I remember from last year. He's quite possibly the most HARDCORE of all.

Stephen sucks about as much as I expected. The only real surprise from him is that he didn't hiss and sink his fangs into people as often as expected. He was also pretty HARDCORE, even though HIS FAMILY'S POOR.

Mia was HARDCORE, too. She looked much younger than I expected, especially considering that she's my twin sister. But there you are.

Mousie surprised me when I met her, mostly because it turns out that she really *is* as sexy in person as she acts in chat. Mousie rules.

I'm tired of talking about people now. If I left you out... well, write your own post and talk all about yourself. Now I want to talk about events. Lunch on Saturday was mostly uneventful, except that Stephen and I ordered the same thing, thereby encouraging suspicions that we are, in fact, the same person. Poppycock.
After we returned from lunch, we milled for a bit. Sam tried to get me and Stephen and Dave to fight, but those l4m3rz kept whining that they were "too tired." Apparently, they had been up all night talking about Newton and gravity and stuff. Dave read a new IABBBBM review (forthcoming), and then came the poetry reading.

The poetry reading ruled for three reasons: my first poem, my second poem, and our rendition of the Philosophers' Song. The Philosophers' Song went well, when one considers that I have an assy voice, Stephen has no rhythm, and Dave didn't know the words. My first poem is a classic in its own time, entitled "hallo i am a teenager and i am tlaking about teh death." All there is to be said about this is "A DEAD ONE." My second poem was about Dave - mostly because embarassing Dave is fun. HIS FAMILY'S POOR, AND HE EATS CRUD.

Then we watched Sinbad. That movie just gets better and better with every viewing. It prompted the realization that, while certainly not much less competently-made than, say, "Leprechaun in the Hood," it's a much better bad movie because it's anything but slow. The only slow part of the film is the TERMINALLY ENDLESS scene on the Isle of the Dead. Outside of that, it moves with what could only be termed "alacrity"

After we got back from our mostly uneventful dinner, we went to bed. Stephen keeps saying I kept him up, but he talked more than I did. But that's okay. HIS FAMILY'S POOR.

The next day, we went out and 0wn3d the Loon Mountain caves. In fact, I 0wn3d them so hard that I started climbing straight up the rock formations.

After that, We went to The Flume. All the l0x0rz took the bus (which went all of, in Dave's own words, four-hundred yards up the mountain), but the truly HARDCORE among us (Faux Pas, Tamara, Stephen, Mia, Mina, Rivikah, Issachar and I) walked it, and got there BEFORE the bus and all those sissies. We also got to go down to the river. The bus driver stopped on the bridge and yelled at us. Transcript:

BUS NAZI: Hey, you ain't spost'a be down thar!
US: HARDCORE! WE 0WN j00!
BUS NAZI: That river rises five feet in five minutes! You could end up thirty-three miles downstream!
US: WE ARE L33T!! HARDCORE!
BUS NAZI (speaking into radio): I gots some people here in the river. You said you didn't want nobody in th' river - want I should flush 'em out?
US: WE R0X0RZ!! W3 0WN j00!!

Mountain Man ruled. Sam asked him for his social security number because, well, that's Sam for you. I was a bit surprised that he didn't ask "have you ever been to Rinkworks.com?." I think Mountain Man could totally take Daniel Webster.

When we got back to the hotel, our room had been taken over by our Chinese food, which had evolved into something different and frightening. Stephen brought it over to the window to demonstrate Newton and gravity to it. Insofar as I know, it's still out there, lurking, waiting for its chance to rise again.

We went to Newick's for dinner, and ended up dancing in the parking lot afterwards. That was probably the strangest thing that happened the whole time, until late that night.

After we got back to the room, we all sat around and shouted "CRUD" and "BURN" for a while, mostly because STEPHEN'S FAMILY IS POOR and IF SAYING ASSTACULAR WERE A PAYING JOB, DAVE WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE. I think the less said about this, the better.

Altogether, I'd say that RinkUnion 2001 was definitely a hip-hop thang. Just bidness in the hood.

Dar "I am 'all angsty'" ien