Yesterday I finally got a lot of the way through my Adventures post from 2 weeks ago, but then my dad closed the screen and I lost it, and I don't feel like typing it all again. In short: skiing was fun. I started to play favorites a little in my room, hurt a couple of my girls' feelings, felt like an awful counselor, and stayed up until Way Too Late the second night talking it out. They forgave me, and we had a good time for the rest of the trip. Actually, we had a good time for the entire trip - but it was better when we were all friends.

I'm reconsidering a lot of my political beliefs. I've come to the conclusion that I'm NOT really a democrat, because there's a lot of stuff I don't agree with, especially morally. Heck, there are a lot of non-moral things I don't agree with Republicans on. On the other hand, there's a bunch of stuff I don't agree with Republicans on, either, so I'm not a Republican. A lot of the opinions I thought I firmly believed in actually mostly came rom my super-political friends. Maybe I'm just going through a disenchanted teenage stage.... but I've come to the conclusion that NO party that takes a definite line - be it Republican, Democrat, Green, Socialist, or Libertarian, has the right answers. Everyone's trying to solve the symptoms - but they're not trying to fix the actual disease. I think I'm in for a depressing rest of my life if I can't align myself with ANY political party at all.

I'm still working on getting over OneStaple. The difficulty of said endeavor varies widely, based on, well, lots of stuff. I figure I really will... eventually. The fact that we still talk constantly doesn't help anything.

We recently discovered that my brother (no, not the one at college - the one who's lived with us off and on, mostly on, since he was 12 and isn't actually related to us) has been stealing from us. My mom's been missing money from her wallet, and we recently discovered that a stash of money, which we all know where to find, is entirely gone. Thinking about it, it's not hard to guess where or why or how he picked up those sorts of habits - he hasn't had the best of backgrounds. It's still really hard to find out that someone you trusted and thought of as family isn't trustworthy. It's really just the latest in a long series of small betrayals of my idealism when it comes to Alonzo... hearing his cursing get more and more frequent. Discovering a porn site open when he let me on the computer right after him. Finding a box of condoms in his room. My parents are probably going to kick him back out. Again. I think that's the best course of action, when it comes down to it. Anyway, he hasn't been here since we discovered this (he disappears for days at a time) so we don't know what his defense will be.

I've been considering sending some of my poetry to magazines and that sort of thing. I am, however, pretty much convinced, somewhere deep down inside, that my stuff isn't really all that good and no one will take any - plus, sending stuff out would be a lot of trouble. I don't really have that much actually publishing-worthy stuff, anyway. I don't want people telling me "Oh, your poems ARE good." But if anyone knows any journals or magazines that a 16-year-old might get some stuff in, let me know.

I found out all of 30 seconds ago that I have a new cousin. My aunt and uncle tried just about everything and couldn't get have their own children - so they're having an open adoption, and the baby was born today. Her name is Kayleigh Constance Jantz. Isn't that great? They live in California, though.... we'll see how soon I can get out there to meet her!

The summer staffer for the senior guys at my youth group just this past summer was GREAT... lots of fun, and I got to be pretty good friends with him. He promised he would e-mail a lot, but he hardly has at all. When he visited a few months ago, I arranged for a bunch of people to have lunch with him one day. However, I STILL seem to be the person he always forgets. When he got back from being in Romania for a month, he sent out a mass e-mail - which I didn't get. He called me once before he came to visit, because I had e-mailed him about doing lunch. He's called my friend Julie at LEAST once in the past month alone - and she just got online, told me he said hi and he loves me, and left again, so I'm betting that's at least twice. I would e-mail him and guilt trip him a little - but I did that once already and it doesn't seem to have helped. I guess that's one of those things I can't hold on to too much.... but it still hurts a lot.

This weekend is Senior High Retreat with my youth group, which should be lots of fun. I've been looking forward to it for ages. Skiing, and friends, and God - what more do I need? It should be a bit harder than other trips, though, because 3 of my friends from school - all Jewish - are going with me. They're all cool, but it'll be interesting how they react to the Christian element, and it'll be a little rough that I won't be able to hang out with my youth group friends as much cause I'll need to stick with my school friends, since they don't know many people. But anyway, I'm praying that it will plant some sort of seed in them, or something.... or at least that they'll discover that a very large group of Christians has TONS of fun!

I suppose I'd better stop now, before another random occurrence sets me off.... but it's nice to get stuff off of my chest. Thanks for being the sort of people that make this a place where I can say these sorts of things without fear...

Kiki