Three times during this summer have I gone in search of a pair of sandals. Three times I visited all the clothing and shoe stores. Three times I came back empty handed.

Where are all the sandals?

I think it's a conspiracy. Someone somewhere is hiding out in a vast warehouse filled to overflowing with sandals of every size and brand. This person is huddling in a dark corner, grinning evilly and occasionally letting out a devious cackle while watching frustrated footwear consumers everywhere through a network of security cameras.

This person's plan is no less than to rule the world, and this is the first step. The desire of the people for sandals will mount all through the summer months until people are willing to pay any price, at which point the evil plotter will flood the pent-up market with the stash of summer shoes, marked at extreme prices. This schemer will thusly become a multi-billionaire, hire armies, and overthrow nations one by one. Any who do not join with him will have their supply of sandals abruptly cut off.

I don't see how this could fail, unless all of us band together and steadfastly refuse to cover our feet. I exhort you all to go barefoot, for the sake of the world!

gab"I'm bored and I can't find any sandals"by