I have a lot of time to think about my daily commute because it just takes so long. I leave the house at 8:20 and get into work just before ten. I leave work at seven and get home around 8:15. Nowadays, I take my car to the bus to the subway to work, but it used to be worse -- I used to take my car to a train to a subway to another subway to get to work.

For those of you who don't know, I live in New Jersey and work in New York City.

Today, I arrived in the city at 9:15. Yesterday, I arrived in the city at 9:15. As a matter of fact, every day I arrive in the city at 9:15. What's odd is I haven't been taking the same bus. Catch the 8:40 bus? 9:15. 8:00 bus? 9:15. 8:20 bus? 9:15. Almost as if we hit some sort of time distortion event about a half-way in. I'm convinced if I catch the 9:30 bus, I'll somehow be flung back in time fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid that I'll wind up becoming my own grandfather or triggering some Twilight Zone/Pulp Sci-Fi "mucking about in time" disaster.

Anyway, all this was a big change for me when I moved up here. Previously, I was in a big city (Austin, Texas), where my commute was five minutes -- drive up one road, turn left and drive about six blocks.

Tuesday, there was a Police Action down at one of the major subway stations (42nd Street/Times Square). That particular subway station is huge -- sprawling huge, not very big room huge. It connects from the Port Authority (A, C, E lines) over to Times Square (7, N, R, 1, 2, 3, and 9 trains) all underground (via a big stinky tunnel). There's ramps, stairs, an escalator or two, probably a fireman's pole in there, I'm not sure. It's a big mess of connected spaces that would require a 3-D modelling program to accurately map out the place. The fun part is that there's always construction, so various pathways will be blocked off sometimes and other passageways would be open. It's a rather turny-twisty maze.

So there's this Police Action going on and the 7 line is blocked off with the "Police Line -- Do Not Cross" tape strung up all over the place including the entrance to the main area that the red line (1, 2, 3, 9) trains are most easily accessed. About a dozen police officers (most plainclothes cops with the badge-on-a-chain) are standing around telling the Clueless that, no, you can't go over the Police Line tape to the number 7 train.

So that day I got to wind my way around the nether reaches of the station, hoping that I wouldn't wind up on the N or the R (yellow line), because those seem to make a stop at each and every block in Manhattan and I'd like to get to work not because I've got a lot of important work to do but rather because the subway system really smells like someone's boiling a goat.

I eventually got to my office.

I never found out what the Police Action was. Whenever I hear the announcement about a Police Action (usually it's "Due to a Police Action (you can hear the announcer capitalize the words) at [one or two stops before you], the Brooklyn-bound 2 and 3 trains will never come to the station you're waiting at. Ever."). Where was I? Oh, yes. Whenever I hear the announcement about a Police Action, I envision one of two things: someone jumped in front of the train or some sort of minor gang warfare broke out in the tunnels and they're bringing in some forensic scientists and a clean-up crew. Of course, the NYPD might have decided to start playing hopscotch on one of the platforms and wanted to close off their reindeer games to the rest of us red-nosed reindeer, I don't know.

Yesterday was even more annoying. Not for me, but for about half of the people on my subway car.

I take the 2 or the 3 (that's the express line on the red line) to work each day. There's something odd about the 2/3 line. Usually a 3 train shows up to the station and about a minute after the train leaves, a 2 train shows up. Then there's about ten minutes until the next 3 train. What this means is all along the subway system, during that ten minute period, the subway platforms get incredibly crowded. People get annoyed and anxious that they'll never get to work on time and - finally - a 3 train shows up and everyone crams on an already crowded train. This repeats for several stations until that train is packed full of people who can barely breathe. See also: "sardines in cans".

This means that there's usually nobody on the platform for the 2 train when it shows up sixty seconds later. I always seem to get a seat and inwardly chuckle about the impatient people who forced their way on the over-crowded train in front of me.

So yesterday, I board at 42nd. First stop (a major stop) is 34th Street/Penn Station. We pull up, stop, wait, then go. The doors don't open. Nearly everyone is upset. We travel to 14th Street. Stop, wait. Doors don't open. Wait longer. Doors still don't open. Wait another few moments. The conductor announces a mechanical problem and we'll be stopped at the station for it to get fixed.

Then people start doing something stupid.

You can walk between the cars on NYC subway trains. When you're between the cars, it's in the open -- there's a chain guard to keep anyone from falling off to the sides. Really, only the conductor should be walking between cars this way. This is the stupid thing: About ten people, not content with waiting in an air-conditioned car, opened the door between cars, removed the chain safety guard, and jumped to the platform. What if we started moving? What if someone slipped and fell and then we started moving? Natural selection, I guess.

Maybe I'll post something about the busses next time.

-Faux "excitement below ground" Pas