By no means are you a "burden and annoyance". Never think that. Those are the last words I'd use to describe someone who's written such a thoughtful and articulate evaluation of the tensions distressing him.

As you've already identified for yourself, you seem to be having some trouble with depression (and possibly a 'bipolar' mood disorder -- given those bouts of mania and flight-of-ideas that you describe, where you find it difficult to imagine what it feels like to be in one state whenever you happen to be in the *other* state). I join the previous posters in urging you to seek help from a trained medical counsellor... You can ask your pastor, your high-school/university counsellors, or family physician for referral to a competent professional.

(-: I know the above advice may seem like a big step, and a little scary, because now you're probably thinking there's something shamefully, horribly "wrong" with yourself {gasp!}; but not really -- trust us on this one. I think I can understand your urge in first asking us here, anonymously, for our opinion on the matter. We'll always be here to lend you a friendly ear and advice. But eventually, there's a limit to the amount of amateur psychobabbleconsolation a person like me can offer you, if in reality you're suffering from a medical condition for which effective treatment exists. You mention that you think your problem "isn't as serious as many other problems others have," but like B-G says, Why should that matter when *real* help and your friends are immediately at hand, and you're in a position to actually find some solutions?

Let's put things into perspective. Correct me if I'm wrong here -- I suspect that you're a young person, about to go into university in the fall, and it's pretty well a time of tumultuous transition for you right now. There are the stresses and expectations of your schoolwork, your family, dating, peer pressure, choosing a university, leaving home, choosing a potential career and life path for the, er, "Rest Of Your Life"... all with the added insult of tremendous physical and emotional changes cruelly spurred by adolescence. So yeah, I'd agree with you that it's perfectly normal to experience some degree of angst over all of this (i.e. worry, dejection, frustration, anger, and the other 31 flavours). However, it is NOT reasonable to expect you to experience the symptoms and distress of clinical depression -- like suicidal thoughts, lethargy, and loss of appetite -- at this point in your life. I will dispute with anyone who thinks that that type of experience will "build character", and that a person with depression will eventually "get their act together and snap out of it". Nuh-uh. Mood disorders and depression are some of the most mis-identified medical conditions around, because they're so easy to confuse with everything else. The good news is as shadowfax mentioned: they're readily treatable with psychotropic medication. These meds simply treat a biochemical imbalance in the brain, which is as prone to disruptive processes as any other part of the body. There's nothing there to be ashamed of.

Wolf "Hope that helps, we're pulling for you" spirit