#531

A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

#532

• What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
• They have the same middle name!

#533

• How do you catch a rabbit?
• Hide in a meadow and make carrot noises.

#534

• Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge?
• To avoid car-pool tunnel!

#535

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

#536

• What do you call a snail on a ship?
• A snailor.

#537

• Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp?
• Because he was tired of the sigh-low.

#538

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill.

#539

• Why did the barber win the race?
• He knew a short cut.

#540

Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He said to the bartender, "I'd like a martinus."

The bartender, a little confused, says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

Caesar replied, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."