> > Why are (especially) husbands and boyfriends pressured into doing something special on this one particular day, even if they don't any other day of the year, except perhaps Christmas and/or a birthday?
>
> Speaking of tangents, reading this brought to mind a point made in the robodog thread about how society has come to value independence to such an extreme that the value of *dependence* has been forgotten. Reading what you have said here drives home how much the first part of that (our iron grip on independence) pervades our attitudes about things. Your objection seems to be very much a resentment that a holiday not of your own making imposes demands upon you, or at least upon people in general. People should be free from such a burden, right?

It's not that one should be "free" from such a burden, per se, but that one should *have the option* of whether to do something or not. I've known a number of people who haven't, for one reason or another, done something for their, in the instances to which I'm referring, girlfriends, and then their girlfriends didn't necessarily get angry so much as felt neglected or something similar. (And, I just want to say I do NOT mean this as a blanket statement; I know there are quite a lot of couples out there that this does not apply to, either because something *was* done on V-Day, or else there isn't that feeling of neglect. However, I think it's also safe to say that there are quite a lot of couples out there to which this does happen.) It just seems to me that the societal norms attaached to this holiday almost forces one to do something for his/her significant other, or risk alienating him/her for a couple days at the least.

> It only works because people agree to it on an individual level. If you don't like it, don't play along. Of course, it may not be that simple, because maybe those you would celebrate it with are among those that value the holiday and wish to celebrate it, which pretty much necessitates your participation. If that's an undue burden of unwelcome responsibility, it's not the holiday's fault -- it's yours for getting into a relationship where a fistful of flowers once a year is already more of an investment than you want to make.

(I'm not sure if you're meaning "you" personally or impersonally, but:) Again, it's not the responsibility of *doing* it that I have a problem with -- I don't at all, it's not like it's a tough process. It's the consequences of *not* doing it that are sure to come about in some relationships that, if nothing else, I just don't understand. I mean, I understand *why*, but not why so much value is placed on the holiday...

Lunar"Maybe I'm just thinking too much about the problems"Equinox