LaZ, I've walked in those shoes, and experienced the same exact (or at least similar) type of confusion. Everything that you described is completely normal.

(But then again, consider the source... perhaps you'd better take this entire post with a grain of salt. :-)

Biologically
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Try to keep in mind (no pun intended) where your emotions are coming from. A long, long time ago, some greek guy decided to poke around in somebody else's head as part of an autopsy. He found a --- well, he could've sworn it looked like a -- a walnut. So, being the imaginative fellow that he was, he promptly named the thing an "amygdala" (which is greek for "walnut"), and the matter was settled.

Many, many years later, some doctors decided to see what would happen if they took the amygdala out of a living person. The victi- er, "patient" - seemed to be perfectly normal afterwords, except for the fact that he was completely and utterly devoid of emotions. Nothing had any relative value at all. If he saw his wife, a sunset, a pile of horse dung, or an angry dog... he had the same reaction to them all: indifference.

Since then, we've learned that this tiny little area of the brain has back-channels to the other senses (like smell, touch, & sight). It also has a direct line to the adrenal gland (to give you energy in an emergency), and it can even temporarily take control of your body's muscles. When you flinch, when you almost trip, etc... this teeny tiny amygdala is using your body like a sock puppet to keep you safe. (It does all kinds of weird stuff, too... like looking out of your eyes, forcing your eyes to widen, and then turning them to look at objects that might need to have an emotion attached to them. It all happens in a small fraction of a second, at the sub-conscious level, before it returns control back to "you".)

Because it's so small, like a mini-brain, the amygdala can be lightning quick in emergencies. That's the good news. The bad news is, it's also a little dumb (because it's so small).

And this really small, not-too-bright amygdala is also in charge of the emotions.

Now, usually, the amygdala and the rest of the brain work together for the same purpose. Sometimes, though, I think that the amygdala might want one thing, and the rest of our brain might want something else. Because it can act semi-autonomously, it can have its own form of logic that doesn't seem to make sense to the rest of "you".

** really really tired **

Just remember that you've got an advantage over most other people in this area, because you have a high level of self-awareness. That helps alot. Too many people are completely blind to some of the stuff that you discussed.

** too tired to think **

Happy Turkey Day!

- Enig"If the shoe fits"ma