Where to begin?

Well, Don and I have been married for 4 years (w00t) and we still really like each other, so maybe I can give some advice. Hehe. 4 years isn't that long, I know, but I still really think we've got a good thing going, and that we'll see (at least) 50 years together before this whole thing is over.

First off I would say, get rid of unreasonable expectations. It's ok to have expectations of your spouse. But let them know what those expectations are. If your expectation is that Ross is going to be the one to clean the toilets, and he expects you to do it, well, the toilets are going to get mighty dirty before someone actually *cleans* the darn thing. And an example of unreasonable expectations would be Don expecting my pancakes to taste exactly like his Mom's, and me expecting him to EAT THE DANG PANCAKES that I made that weren't exactly like his Mom's. Not that I'm bitter or anything. We just don't eat pancakes around here anymore. ;-)

Remember that you're on the same team. You're working towards the same goal. If your goal is to keep your spouse completely happy, and his goal is keep you completely happy, you both win!

You might not want to go to bed angry, and that's a good thing, but sometimes you need to take a walk around the block, or a long hot shower when you're so angry you could spit nails at your spouse. Don't talk about why you're mad until you can put it into words that aren't going to hurt your spouse irreparably. And sometimes that means you need to cool down before opening your mouth. Our street is the exact length I need to cool down and think over what I'm going to say before I get back home. One time Don and I were having a fight about finances (who doesn't fight about money?) and I took some time out. When I thought about it for awhile, I decided to just ask him how we could talk about it without getting upset with each other. We were able to discuss things rationally and come to an agreement. It was wonderful.

That's all I can think of right now.

Ticia