It's okay not to know.

People say that pretty often to lost college students, but it really is true.

It's okay because before you learn or discover *anything*, there is a period of time when the thing you're about to learn or discover is a great big blank. And it's okay to be living in that period of time. Which doesn't mean it's not maddening, torturous, and terrifying. 'Okay' often is not very fun.

You believe in God, and so do I, so I can say this: He made you, and He made you for something. He gave you certain gifts and passions, and He did it knowing how He wants you to use them. He gave you, and will continue to give you, life experiences that further shape and direct you so that you can be who and where He wants you to be. I firmly believe that there is a spot in the world, a niche with your name on it. It's just a matter of waiting, praying, and experimenting until it begins to reveal itself.

My roommate and I (and, indeed, most of my friends going through this phase of life) have both struggled with this a lot over the past few years. We're seniors now, so we have less than a year until we're cast out into the world and expected to do something with ourselves. Last spring, at the end of our junior years, neither of us had a clue what we were going to do when that time came.

For me, it was a little different. I've always known that I wanted to be a writer-- specifically a children's novelist. But that leaves me with the problem of finding a way to feed myself before I make my big breakthrough. I knew what kinds of "day jobs" I didn't want... most of the obvious ones. I was getting a little scared-- okay, a lot scared. Then, over the summer, through a complicated set of circumstances, I found a temporary career that answers my wishes-- even to being decently paid and relatively easy to get into. I may be wrong, of course... it may not work the way I want it to, may not allow me the freedom and energy to write in my spare time, but at least it's a next step. (And I have something to say to people who ask what I'm doing next year, other than "professional bum," which was my choice for several previous years.)

My roommate was like you: no big clearly-defined ambitions, a lot of varied interests and talents, and not a clue what she wanted to do. She came into college as a business major, took about five minutes to realize she hated it, and changed her major to philosophy (what might be considered the ultimate future bums' major). Then her entire life fell apart. Among other things, she was forced to drastically reevaluate who she was and who she wanted to be. All in all, it's not a process I would wish on anyone, but on the plus side, she's come out of it with a clear vision for what she wants to do after graduation.

My point is, it will come. At some point the right set of things will fall into place, and you'll discover what you want to do. It may happen before you graduate or it may happen after-- another friend of mine graduated and spent about a year and a half taking odd office jobs and such until, after working as a school nurse, she discovered that she really wanted to go into nursing. Don't lose hope. One of the hardest things for people in our time of life is to remember that the way things are now is not necessarily the way they're going to be six months from now. "A lot can happen in a few months" became a kind of mantra for me and my friends. Things can happen, and very quickly, that change your whole outlook or focus, or give you a new inspiration. And something will happen, especially if you're looking or praying for it.

In the meantime, my advice is explore. Do what interests you, as much as possible. Take a class in painting, or directing, or photography. And there's no harm in talking to a career counselor, either. Most of them won't try to box you into a "regular" career if you don't want that... a good career counselor or life coach will work with you to figure out something that you can get excited about, and that will fit well with your aptitudes and needs.

As for picking a major, my advice for anyone who doesn't have a specific career path in mind is this: study what is most exciting, or most challenging, or most interesting to you. At the end of my freshman year (I came in Undecided) I knew I had to be an English major. Not because it fit in well with my ultimate career goals, but because the world of literature is my home. It's where I learn the most and can give the most. I get tired of a lot of things, but I never get tired of reading stories and thinking about them. My roommate chose philosophy for much the same reason: it fascinated her more than anything else. My dad, if he had gone with his own passions instead of following the advice of well-meaning adults around him, would have chosen economics for the same reason.

Your major is not just stepping stones to a good job: it's also what you're going to spend the next several years of your life studying. If it's something that's close to your heart, something you're happy engaging with day after day, then you will learn from it a lot about yourself and a lot about life and the world. The understanding you take from that will give you a leg up no matter what career path you choose.

And don't worry too much about not having something to say to people who ask you what you want. It's far, far better to know that you don't know, than to let yourself be swept into something you don't really care about because it seems like a sensible thing to do. (Exhibit A: my father, who finds his career tedious and would give an arm to change to economics, but can't now because he has four children to support.) The ones who really know will respect a healthy admission of ignorance. You're still in college-- most people here don't know what they want, or if they think they do they're wrong.

In conclusion, God bless you. It's a horribly frustrating time of life, no matter how many reassuring words people like me spout at you. Hang in there. Someday, you won't be wondering any more.

Lirelyn