The federal government, or one of its lesser known agencies, has issued a new set of rules on vehicle use:

1. Picking up the kids at school requires a vehicle with the following charactistics.
a. four-wheel drive
b. 6000 pound towing capacity
c. ground clearance of at least 14 inches
d. overall heighth of 6.6 feet minimum

2. Going to the grocery requires a vehicle with the following charactistics.
a. 15 passenger seating capacity
b. V8 engine of no less than 400 cubic inches
c. remote control door locks that blink the lights and toot the horn.
d. GPS system

3. Going fishing requires a vehicle with the following charactistics.
a. 8000 pound towing capacity
b. diesel V8 engine with turbo charger and no less than 500 ft. lbs. of torque
c. four-wheel drive
d. manufacturers suggested retail price not less than $50,000.
e. brand name Lincoln or better

4. Going to church on Sunday requires a vehicle with the following charactistics.
a. sliding doors on both sides
b. 8 passenger seating capacity.
c. television
d. front and rear air conditioners
e. chrome bumpers

5. Going to the movies requires a vehicle with the following charactistics:
a. sound system with CD player and amps with more power than the engine
b. four-wheel drive with traction control
c. V10 engine with dual exhaust
d. anti-theft system with loud alarm that cannot be turned off from inside theater
e. remote control mirrors with turn signal on them