> My theory is that both ADD and depression (and other similar "illnesses") are caused by the world around us and how we behave in it. Basically, our circumstances.


Up till recently, I was inclined to think the same way. I was very skeptical of the idea that a lot of these mental illnesses were due to chemical imbalances. I thought it much more likely that, at least in the overwhelming majority of cases, it was something in the person's own life or way of responding to it that was amiss. But a couple of weeks ago, my roommate came to me and told me that she thought she might be clinically depressed. (I apologize in advance if any of this is irrelevant or not really helpful to anybody... part of the reason I'm writing about it is that I have really needed to talk about it and she's not comfortable with my sharing it with my family or friends yet. Which I completely understand.)

I had known since last October that something was wrong. We were still close, but something was definitely not right in our relationship. I didn't know what, whether it was something I was doing or something she was doing or a combination. The fall semester was really hard for both of us in a lot of ways, and at the end of it we talked a lot, acknowledged that we'd both gone through some necessary growing experiences, and were ready to go home for break and start over next semester. When the next semester started, for a while it seemed like things were back to normal, but within a few weeks the alarm bells were going off again. I didn't know what was going on, and I spent a lot of time confused and depressed myself because of it. The weirdest and worst was one weekend where I plunged into a very profound depression, like I have never experienced before. I toyed with the idea that *I* was clinically depressed, but I knew I wasn't.

When she told me she thought she was depressed, everything clicked into place. The idea had never occurred to me, but once she said it, everything I had been confused about made sense. Even my own night of severe depression-- I am acutely sensitive to the moods of those I'm close to, and while I have no empirical or rational way to back the assertion up, I believe that what I experienced that night was *her* depression. Fueled by my own concerns and issues, of course, but the emotions were native to her, not to me. That may not make sense. It's not really important.

What you have to understand about my roommate is that she is an intensely rational and self-sufficient person. She hates being weak or vulnerable or dependent, and she hates problems that she can't think through and solve logically. It took her a long time to come to the point of admitting that six months of feeling that you'd just as soon die as live was not normal or right. The other thing to understand is that she's a very stable, healthy person. She and I both are very self-aware, very analytical, very able to dig to the root of our emotional problems and deal with them. She also had as healthy a childhood as anyone can have, and continues to have a strong, supportive relationship with her family.

Knowing all this about her, and knowing better than anyone else what has been going on in her life for the last year, I can say with confidence that this depression is not due to circumstances or to her way of dealing with the world. We've agreed that it was probably triggered by some things that happened last fall, but those things are no longer an issue, and we've both dealt with them pretty thoroughly. (I should add, for those who think it's important, that we both have a solid faith in and relationship with God. There's a feeling among some Christians that depression and other mental illness indicate some sort of spiritual unhealthiness. Throughout the year she and I have talked about God regularly, as we tend to do, and I am as sure as another person can be that her spiritual life is sound.)

The short of it is, from her words, my six months of observation, and my own experiences, I am quite sure that she is suffering a level of depression which is not "normal". I am also sure that there is no sufficient circumstantial cause to attribute it to. I had begun to question my previous assumptions about depression and mental illness anyway... now I'm convinced they were wrong.

To finish the story (well, it's not finished yet, but to bring it up to date), we are now working on dealing with her parents, who are having a lot of trouble accepting that something is seriously wrong with their daughter. They're wonderful people, but because they haven't been living with her they're not aware that something's wrong the way I was, and because she's very good at masking her emotions and very reluctant to voice them, it's hard to convince them.

Anyway, I think this long ago ceased to be anything but me talking about my own experiences. But I needed to do that. So anyone who's read this far, thanks for your patience, and if anybody has comparable or related experiences I'd love to hear about them.

Lire"this is an amazing forum and community... just wanted to reiterate that"lyn