> > > -useless"I don't want to have to take no
> > >stinking anti-depressants now or ever, thank
> > >you very much!"ness
> >
> > What's behind this feeling? I can understand if it's just a feeling of not wanting to have to bother to take any sort of medication regularly, but if you're talking specifically about anti-depressants, what makes you say that? And if you're calling me a wuss for taking them, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to beat the crap out of you.
>
> My dad was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago and the doctors prescribed Zoloft for him. Well, that got him all doped up and he just wasn't himself anymore. He was walking around in a cloud all weird-like. Not to mention, there were a few yucky side effects (as printed on the warning label). So he decided to come off the meds and experienced some massive withdrawl symptoms... basically, he was addicted to and dependent on this drug. That's not where I want to be.
>
> Plus, if my depression (if that's really what I've got) is incurable, I'll be stuck buying mind-altering drugs for the rest of my life. I don't suppose that's a very wise way to manage my money, or treat my brain. I'm sure there are other alternatives that won't last forever or further screw up my head. If not, I guess I can suffer with it... like I said, I feel fine. So it doesn't bother ME.
>
> Of course, all this is supposing that I really am clinically depressed. I doubt there's anything permanently wrong with me. We'll see once final exams are over. Frankly, I have this theory that many supposed "mental illnesses" don't exist at all. Like clinical depression and ADD. I think that a lot of doctors diagnose people with these things when they're really not diseases at all, but something else. I don't think all mental illnesses are like this, mind you, but some. It's a lot easier to justify someone's weird behavior when he can blame it on a diagnosed disease instead of something that might be messed up in the way he's lived his life (like substance abuse, a lousy home situation, overexposure to TV, or who knows what else). Exhibit A: "Johnny stabbed Billy with a fork, but it's not his fault... he's just got ADHD." No, it IS Johnny's fault, and doctors shouldn't help him weasel out of it. I think "chemical imbalances" are just a bunch of malarky. But, uh, I really should do some more reasearch before I go preaching this idea on the Internet. I'm glad people on this web site don't flame too much. And with that, I'm stepping off my soapbox and shutting up.
>
> -useless"And no, Dave, you're not a wuss. So don't beat anything out of me. Please."ness

Dave said a lot of the things I would have said, but I couldn't let this one go by. I've been on antidepressants for about 2 years now, and I've gone off them a couple times and been able to see what happens to me - the huge difference between the normal me and the depressed me.

Most recently, I forgot (really did. Don't ask me how - I don't know - I was busy, I guess) to take my medication for most of the two weeks just after spring break - so up until a week ago. Last Friday, stressed and depressed, I spent some serious quality time with sharp pointy objects and my arm, until I drew blood and scared myself into running trembling to my boyfriend.

That's not normal; that's not right. Being at the point where hurting myself is just plain easier because it distracts me from the constant about-to-cry state really isn't a feeling I like - and it gets worse every time I reach it.

Yes, my depression is partly made worse by situations, and by how I deal with stress and problems - I'm not going to say that it isn't at all my fault. But I can't concentrate on changing my coping mechanisms if it takes all of my energy to drag myself to class and not burst into tears in the middle of it - so if taking two pills every morning makes getting out of bed easier, I'll do it, and gladly.

Even when I am taking my medication, I'm still an intensely emotional person, much like Gahalia - I feel and express both pain and joy very deeply. When I'm depressed, the joy is gone and the pain is so much worse. I'm lucky to have friends who like the normal me, and know me well enough to be able to tell when something is off-kilter.

Are you depressed? I don't know. It's possible - and your mom is seriously a person whose observations you can trust - I know mine has proven to be so countless times. Please don't risk not making the effort to find out for sure.

Lynette