Have you ever had a point in your life where your ideas seem to be changing every single day? Well, that has been college for me. I never anticipated that any one event could change me so much, but going to college has made me re-evaluate everything I thought was important to me in life.

Being a teenager is so confusing. You have no idea what you're supposed to do. Everyone around you keeps telling you "Do this", "Do that", so you do, like a little trained dog. And you think that you're doing well in the world because every so often they pat you on the head and say, "Good Boy."

And then, suddenly, you come to this place where there is no trainer. And you stop, and you think, "Why did I come here again? I know I had a reason...". There is no one telling you why your life has meaning, or what you should do with it. And at first you feel so lost, like the bottom just fell out of the world and you have no grip.

But then it's amazing. Because everything you do is because you want to. You choose what you wear, and how you spend your money, and where you go. And the people who seemed so important to obey, your parents, and your teachers, and the community, turn out to be people, like you. And they all have ideas and desires, and goals like you.

So suddenly you are spinning around on this merry go round going a hundred miles an hour, and your head is filled with sounds and sights that you didn't know existed, and you're blinded and deafened by the overwhelming sensation.

And then all this information subsides, and suddenly you realize that all this freedom has a price. All those people who watched you, and pushed you, and took your freedom, also held you away from the real world. Even though you felt like you were in control of your life, they made a lot of the hard decisions for you. And now there's this thing called responsibility, and if you want something than you have to work for it.

And it's funny. Life isn't fair. Not at all. And you thought you knew that, but you had no conception. Before there were all these rules, and if you didn't follow them then you were punished. But the real world isn't like that at all. You follow the rules, and people who don't still do better than you. And they get away with it! Because there isn't this big authority anymore. There's just you, and them, and people who are just like you and them. And sometimes they will agree with the people that you know are wrong, and then you are the bad guy! And you get punished! And so, suddenly the world is very heavy, and nothing makes sense.

And then you realize that you are not the only person in the world! Very slowly. And you thought you knew this too. But you really didn't. Because you were really focusing on how to do what other people wanted you to, so you believed you were this great force in the world, and that you were holding everything together. But no! There are all these other people. And, gasp, they all think that they are this big force in the world too! But wait, that was you! How can you both be that big force in the world? They must be better or worse than you.

And then you wonder about that too. Maybe they aren't better. Maybe nobody was ever better. Perhaps, just maybe, you are all the same. And that is the strangest of all, because you thought you knew that too. But you are realizing all sorts of things you thought you knew but you didn't really know.

And then, just before all this thinking becomes too much, you realize, "Hey, I'm 18. Look at all these people, 40 years or more older than me, these ancient philosophers, these writers, scientists, artists, inventors, and all of them are asking the same questions as me! I have no way to compare to them! If there was a quiz of life, not a one of us could pass. And I didn't even study... Ah!!"

So then you roll over in bed, start thinking about anime and your next test in your major, hope for the best, and eventually go to sleep. Until the next night.

Melanie