> > Welcome to the United States of America. Try anything funny and you'll regret it.
> >
> > I've got my eye on you, punk.
>
> Did you ever work for the Customs Department? Because this was the direct translation, from Polite into Real, of their arrivals procedure.

Back when I had a girlfriend in the states, upon passing the customs in Ottawa (They have US custom office in Ottawa, Montreal, Calgary, Vancouver and such, so the planes can land in the domestic areas) I made the mistake of saying I was visiting my significant other.

Boy, the officer's face went from bored to "You *bleeping* punk!" so fast, I almost started laughing. Then it was like "What's she doing in the US?"

"She lives there."

"She's a US citizen?" (Another face change for the worst)

(About to ruin my pants) "Yea..."

"How did you meet her?"

"On the internet." (By now, my accent is getting much, much worst)

"The what? Oh, you mean the computer. Ok. When are you coming back?" (The last part should be in italics, cause I swear, he pronounced it in italics. Just like sometimes you can ear the air quotes around a word, that guy was talking in italics.)

Then he let me go, as he realized I'd be back the following Sunday, since I had school on Monday.

'tienne