> I'll be a freshman next year, which means I'll be moving on up. Does anyone have any tips to keep me from being stuffed in lockers? (Just kidding... I hope.) But really, do you guys have any advice that you would like to pass on?

The only advice I have regarding school is that you are not legally required to believe anybody who tells you these are the best years of your life.

Here are some solutions to the problem of being stuffed into lockers.

1. Go to a school with no lockers.
2. Go to a school where the bullies prefer holding you upside down over a toilet and flushing your head.
3. Go to a private school restricted to the religiously non-violent.
4. Spend from now until next year eating nothing but chocolate fudge cake so you will be too big for anybody to pick up.
5. Protection money.
6. Let it happen once, and pretend to enjoy it to a disturbing extent.
7. Become a toadying yes-man.
8. Always carry a fountain pen so when somebody assaults you in the locker corridor you can stab them in the throat with it after fighting them to a standstill to a soundtrack of classic '80s rock, using the skills you picked up during your time in the special forces.
9. Use Gandhi's principles of satyagraha, or passive resistance, to win the moral high ground and bring the British Empire to its knees.
10. If all else fails, make your locker's interior pleasantly wallpapered and comfortable, with a refreshing pine fragrance. Remember, one's everyday surroundings are important for emotional health.

Brunnen-"CONSTANT VIGILANCE"G