> Here's a brief rundown of the major titles being released to theaters up until mid-August or so.
>
> May 16 - Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Normally, I would wait for the movie to come out on DVD. My home theater set-up has rivaled the last few movie theater's sound systems I've been in (nothing like a blown subwoofer to ruin a bass-heavy action scene), plus I don't have to deal with sticky floors, people applauding whenever a character appears on screen, idiots with laser pointers, and families rustling around their large bags of potato chips. However, there are a few movies I would like to view on the big screen. I plan on viewing this about two, three weeks into the movie's run, probably on a Tuesday morning when the theater should be empty. $4.50 for matinee tickets around here.

> May 24 - Insomnia
>
> Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hilary Swank star in a crime thriller by Christopher Nolan, who directed Memento. Williams is good in dramatic roles, although I've never seen him in a thriller. Pacino is always good. And I can't be the only one interested in seeing how Nolan follows up the brilliant Memento.

I am interested in this, if only because Robin Williams is starring. Although I dislike his comedy works (mainly because nearly every RW comedy movie changes gears about halfway through when someone dies), I do like his dramatic roles. If the movie, adapted from a Koontz novel, doesn't list Koontz as one of the screenwriters (or just lists him as having worked on the first draft of the script), my expectations for the movie would increase.

If I do see this, it too will be a matinee.

> May 24 - Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
>
> These days DreamWorks is arguably as if not more reliable than Disney for producing really good animated feature films.

Based on the Dreamworks logo alone, I will be seeing this movie.

> June 7 - Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

I love Sandra Bullock (even in Speed 2: The Boat That Wouldn't Stop), but I've got better things to do than sit down watching a two-plus hour movie about women talking about feelings and relationships. Things like writing a long response to a message about upcoming movies.

> June 14 - Scooby-Doo
>
> A live-action Scooby-Doo movie with a computer generated Scooby -- if that isn't a humorously outrageous premise for a movie, I don't know what is. Anyway, I never liked the cartoon, so I don't know why I'd like this movie.

I've got a feeling that Cartoon Network's Scooby-Doo "Blair Witch" parody is better than this will.

> June 14 - Windtalkers
>
> John Woo's World War II movie with Nicolas Cage.

Three strikes against the movie right there. Face%Off sucked two and a half hours out of my life. Woo and Cage back again? And in the umpteenth WW2 movie in the last two years?

> June 14 - The Bourne Identity

Matt Damon's more successful buddy Ben Afflick is in a government agent/spy thriller movie, so why not give Matt a shot? Seeing as how I have this irrational urge to punch Matt Damon in the face every time I see him on screen, I don't think I'll be going to this one.

> June 18 - Air Bud 4: Seventh Inning Fetch
>
> Bet you didn't even know there was an Air Bud 3.

I'm waiting for the one where the dog plays jai alai. Pander to my demographic, Hollywood!

> June 21 - Lilo & Stitch
>
> How odd that DreamWorks would be doing the Disney-like animated film, while Disney would be doing the...non-Disney-like animated film. An extra-terrestrial fugitive is adopted by a Hawaiian girl. Rated PG for "mild sci-fi action." Strange.

The warning ratings are rather humorous: "stylized action", "vampiric horror", and "fantasy violence". The other reason why I'm not seeing Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood is there was no "explicit sexual scenes and full-frontal nudity" warning.
>
> June 21 - Minority Report
>
> Steven Spielberg directs Tom Cruise in a movie based on a Philip K. Dick novel.

Spielberg? Cruise? Sorry, but I was sold the moment I heard this was based on a Phillip K. Dick story. (Heck, I really wanted to see Imposter, even after it opened and closed within a day).

> June 28 - Mr. Deeds
>
> Adam Sandler remakes the classic Mr. Deeds Goes To Town. Spare me.

I've heard that the movie is a very good retelling of the original movie. Which begs the question why remake it? (or as Brunnen-G once said, "There's no need for another submarine movie if you've already got Das Boot" -- paraphrased, of course)

> July 3 - Men In Black 2
>
> Enough said.

I'll be checking rottentomatoes.com closer to the release day. I enjoyed the first movie, but sequels that come about simply because the original movie made lots of money... Eh.

> July 12 - Crocodile Hunter: The Collision Course

I have never seen an episode of The Crocodile Hunter.

> July 12 - Reign of Fire
>
> Matthew McConaughey wages war with dragons in a post-apocalyptic future. Hollywood needs ideas.

It sounds like the movie industry has a large dartboard with random phrases on it, doesn't it? Thwip! "Dragons." Thwip! "Post-Apocalypse. Hm... Better give this one to Michael Bay." If anything, it will be the best post-apocalyptic dragon-based movie EVER FILMED. Yes, even better than The Postman.

Sarcastic remarks aside, I do like McConaughey as an actor. If anyone can pull off a futuristic dragon war movie, I'm sure he Oh heck, I can't even bring myself to finish the sentence. Does Matt need help with the rent this month? Shall we send him some canned food?

> July 12 - Road To Perdition

Never heard of it.

> July 19 - Stuart Little 2

> July 19 - Halloween: Resurrection

I still don't understand the appeal of movies that introduce a truckload of oversexed teenagers, then kills them off in gruesome ways.

> July 19 - Eight Legged Freaks
>
> Giant spiders walk all over the city in this horror/comedy.

This one might as well have the Cult Classic sticker pasted onto the movie poster. Heck, they should hand out VHS copies of the movie as you leave the theater. This looks like it will be as great as Tremors. (Feel free to interpret that last statement however you wish.) I am so seeing this movie while the wife is at work.

> July 26 - Austin Powers in Goldmember
>
> I liked the first Austin Powers. I didn't like the second. If the ante is upped still further, I'm pretty certain I won't like this either.

Ah. Fat Bastard is back. Looks like I won't be.

> August 2 - Signs
>
> M. Night Shyamalan has yet to err with me, and Mel Gibson is one of my favorite modern actors. I'm pumped for this.

I'd hate to be M. Night Shyamalan. He can never make a movie that is just a story -- everyone is going to be wondering what the big twist is at the end. I'd like to see this, but I still have to rent Unbreakable...

> August 2 - XXX
>
> Vin Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson star in what looks like a really noisy brainless action movie. In spite of the fact that Samuel L. Jackson is smooooth, I don't see this as being anything but obnoxious and irritating.

Again, a check at rottentomatoes.com will be in order.

> August 7 - Spy Kids 2: The Island of the Lost Dreams

I really enjoyed Spy Kids when I saw it on an airplane. I look forward to watching this one on my next trans-atlantic flight.

> August 14 - Blood Work

Bah.

> August 16 - The Adventures of Pluto Nash
>
> A movie that involves both the mafia AND outer space cannot be called timid. But Eddie Murphy does NOT have a good track record with me. I think he's quite talented, but I generally deplore the material he works with. The last Eddie Murphy comedy I liked (excluding animated films like Shrek) was Bowfinger, in which he shared the spotlight with Steve Martin. Before that, Coming To America in 1988. If the pattern continues, I shouldn't expect to like an Eddie Murphy movie again until 2010.

It's almost as if I wrote the preceeding paragraph.

> August 16 - The Tuxedo
>
> Jackie Chan? I'm there.

And that one.

> August 16 - Simone
>
> Andrew Niccol wrote two recent films that I treasure highly: The Truman Show and Gattaca, different in every way except in the underlying themes about the triumph of humanity in dehumanizing circumstances.

I haven't heard a thing about this movie, but based on Niccol's earlier works, I'll be keeping an eye out for this one.

-Faux Pas