>
> Maybe I should ask some other questions to the journallers to dig into this deeper:
>
> Do you also keep an entirely secret diary? Is that diary coloured by the knowledge that, somehow or other, somebody *might* read it one day? And how would you react if that happened? How would you react if you knew conclusively that it *wouldn't* happen?
>
> Does it seem like your life experiences become more real or understandable if they're written down and read, even if you're the only reader?
>
> I hope this isn't sounding like criticism of people who keep diaries of any kind. I just don't understand its appeal, and I'd like to.
>
> Brunnen-"trying to find out why people do stuff is my second favourite contact sport"G

Well, I don't keep an online journal, but I do keep a private diary. I would destroy this diary before letting anyone else view it, because it has very personal things in it.
I started it to let me express uncharitable feelings I had about peole who were my friends, without blowing up *at* them, or saying something mean to someone else, which could then be repeated back to them. I wouldn't let those people read it, simply because they would take that as how I *really* feel about them, rather than how I felt about them at the time, about that one aspect. So you can see, I couldn't let the people who are closest to me read it, because although they wouldn't betray my confidence, they would be hurt the most. And I couldn't let those less close to me read it, because although they'd be less hurt, I couldn't trust them as much not to betray my confidence.

I hope you can understand this.

Although this version of the diary was started only earlier this year, I have kept a similar type of diary (Complaints journal?) on and off since I was eleven.

I write this diary as honestly as I can, knowing that I will read it a long way down the line. I also write it *knowing* that no one else will read it. I can't afford for that to happen. I think, though, the very fact that you write this thing down, and make it a semi-permanent thing, you have to subconsciously admit that someone *might* read it. If so, I hope that it's a very long way into the future, when all concerned are long dead and forgotten.

as Sosi said, it doesn't make the events real, but it helps make feelings tangible, and helps sort through the events. It also lets me "swear" at the people in that medium, so in real life I can be reason and light, and not get angry for little, unimportant reasons.

samhael

PS, I can see how it would be a contact sport.