I'm at that stage in life when it's time to choose a career and I was wondering if anyone on the forum could offer some advice. I like computers and programming, though I don't know anything more complicated than JavaScript (I'm pretty good at that though... :-)). I also have a passion for the English language and I love to write. I'm also a natural proofreader -- errors seem to jump off the page at me. I'm good at public speaking, and likewise I like to act. I'm a committed Christian and might consider entering the ministry, but I think I need something more unusual than your typical preacher/missionary/evangelist job. I enjoy sailing small boats, but I don't know what kind of a living I could do with that.

I don't like math or science. History is good when explained well, and I've never known a history teacher I didn't like; though truthfully, memorizing dates and names is superincredibly boring to me. I like art, but I'm not very good at making stuff except for computer animation, with which I have had moderate success. I love music, though I can't read notes or play any instruments. I am a video game afficionado. I like animals but don't like to spend time outside with them or clean up their messes. I have no temper and never get angry, but it upsets me when other people are mean to me.

I can't cook, and I don't want to bus/wait tables. Public transportation is out, because I don't like to put so many peoples' lives in my hands. Also I couldn't be a truck driver for the same reason, or a race car driver, or anything else that involves a steering wheel, for that matter. I won't work in a grocery store because everybody, it seems, does that -- and the pay is bad, the work demeaning, and the hours are long. Well, okay, that was a major assumption and generalization, but I still won't consider that job. I used to work part-time in a Christian bookstore, and that was nice because of the nature of the business: all the customers were nice and polite, even when disappointed with my poor service. Unfortunately, the pay was really bad.

I am an overachiever, a perfectionist, when I work. I have to add the "when I work" part because I am also the world's biggest procrastinator and slacker. You can argue that if you want and probably win by default, because I'm too lazy to dispute it. Anyway, I need a job with set hours, because I can't work under my own self-discipline. I'm in college now, which means that I'm working toward a degree, and I can change my major at any time. Whatever my career turns out to be, I want it to make full use of my credentials. However, I will not be a doctor/med-person-of-any-type because I can't stand blood and guts and pain and death. Oh yeah, and my handwriting's much too neat for that. I can't be a lawyer either, even though I like to debate, because everybody hates lawyers and I want to be loved. Don't even ask if I want to work in a funeral home or morgue.

No, I don't want to join the military.

I like to eat and sleep. I want a job that pays a lot of money for doing practically nothing. I want something that puts to use my creative and gifted mind without making me use my weak and laughably malnutritioned body. I want something unusual, because I am unusual. I need time to spend with the family that I will undoubtedly have, because I will love my spouse and kids. I can't have a job that will require me to be politically correct. I hate that. I need a job that will enrich my life in many ways and make me into a more well-rounded person without breaking my back in the process. In other words, I'm staying indoors. I also want lots of benefits and somebody who will pay my taxes for me.

I don't smoke, cuss, do drugs, or drink. I'm try to be a moral person who loves and respects his peers. I have ambitions and I know that I'm not cut out to be an average Joe, so I need to aim high without joining the Air Force. I'm a conservative rightist, so I won't kill babies, steal guns, give money to drunks, or support gay "rights." I don't have very good fashion sense, but I've seen worse. I think extreme sports (actually, skateboarding, which is pretty non-extreme, falls into that category in my book) are fun to watch, but I can't do any of them. I'm a really good suck-up. I would like to travel around the world, but not to relocate constantly. Vacations are good enough.

So, what do you think? Are there any good jobs left for a guy like me? Tell me about what you do now and what you've done in the past, even if it doesn't sound like it fits me. I'm interested. Any help in this major decision of mine will be gratefully accepted. Thanks!

-useless "Help me, I'm broke!" ness