> What should I do? Keep on his butt till school gets out , or let him stand on his own and learn to sink or swim? He has been through so much in his short life time. I don't want him to feel like I'm giving up on him. At the same time I don't want to be manipulated and lied to either.

I'm not a parent, but I do know some basic generalities about how people (especially kids) work. I don't have all the answers for you. I don't presume to know more than an actual parent could tell you. So now that you know where I'm coming from, you can weigh what I have to say as you see fit.

First thing is, try not to take it personally if you are being lied to or manipulated. Kids do that. Part of growing up is testing limits and determining where boundaries are. Part of parenting is to respond when those limits are tested and draw the line. Consistency is important. If children's limits are in one place one day and in another the next, then those children are going to continue to feel them out and test them as well as being generally less content about their places in the world and their relationships with those who impose the limits on them. Consistency in setting the boundaries gives children the understanding that their parents know what they are doing and also that they care. I'm straying off-topic; the basic point I'm trying to establish is that kids testing limits is natural and not personal. Lies should still be punished, of course -- that's how the limits are established -- but it's not the same as an adult lying to you because he does not respect you enough to tell the truth.

The second thing that occurred to me to say is not to be afraid to let your kids sink or swim on their own. The best kind of learning in life comes first-hand: you choose to do something, and you experience those consequences. If you're always trying to carry your children through life, so that they cannot be exposed to situations where they can make decisions and experience those consequences, that's bad. It's also bad if your kids *do* make choices but you shelter them from the consequences if they turn out to be bad. Then kids get the idea of, hey, I can do this, and someone will bail me out. Worse, that someone *ought* to.

Now, kids can't be responsible for *all* their decisions. For example, parents shouldn't just say, "Ok, here is some cocaine. You make your choice and learn by enduring the consequences." Parenting involves some judicious decisions about which decisions should be left up to the kids and which ones shouldn't. At any rate, what I'm leading up to is this: If your kid *does* end up failing his school work, let him see and feel and experience the natural consequences of that. If he does something that should make him fall, let him fall. Don't catch him. Just help him back on his feet afterward. Screwing up has to hurt, or one never learns not to screw up.

The third thing is, Dave's response to you makes a lot of sense to me. It seems like far too many kids and teenagers are on anti-depressants than should be -- angst and growing pains that is a perfectly natural part of growing up seems far too often to be treated by throwing drugs at it first and looking second -- but this does not mean genuine clinical depression never happens and isn't a serious problem when it does. If your son has a chemical imbalance that is causing this, then it's unlikely that the usual guidelines of parenting are going to help.

Clinically depressed or not, though, this is a pretty common problem, so I hope you don't feel alone. I went through two separate phases of my life (4th grade and 7-9th grade) where I was just not trying very hard in school at the things I wasn't directly interested in, not doing homework, and messing up. Looking back, I *still* couldn't even tell you exactly why, although I have guesses. (I *am* lazy about things I am not immediately interested in.) But ultimately I did ok.

We're pulling for you.