I decided to write a movie about one of the best movies I've never seen. Enjoy.

WHY I WILL NEVER SEE "THE SEVEN SAMURAI"

Written by scArA

(Our hero walks into Hollywood Video.)

scArA (VO)
There I was, in Hollywood Video, with one purpose... to rent a movie. Not just any movie, but one of the best ever made: Akira Kurosawa's "The Seven Samurai."

(Flashback: scArA at home, in front of a TV)

scArA (VO)
I had seen Rashomon before, and I had enjoyed it. Now it was time to rent The Seven Samurai.

(End flashback. scArA goes to the Foreign section, gets The Seven Samurai, and goes to the counter)

(On the ride home)

scArA (VO)
Normally it was a custom for me to take out the tape and check it while I was still in the store. But it had slipped my mind.

(Home. scArA opens the tape and looks shocked)

scArA (VO)
When I had opened up the box to get the tape, I was in shock. The lid of the tape was missing!

(On the phone)

scArA
Yes. I see. So I shouldn't play it, because it might get damaged. And you'll order a new one. Alright, bye. (hangs up)

scArA (VO)
So I eagerly awaited the day when it would come back in stock.

(Montage: scArA repeatedly comes in the door, looks for TSS, but leaves upon failing to find it.)

scArA (VO)
Later, a new medium was introduced, known as Digital Versatile Disc, DVD. It wasn't long before Hollywood had a few in stock.

(Clip begins the same as those in the montage, but scArA goes to the DVD section instead)

scArA (VO)
And there it was... "The Seven Samurai." The Criterion Edition, no less. Unfortunately, I didn't have a DVD player. (pause) Then I got one.

(Clip begins the same)

scArA (VO)
When I got there, to my horrors, they didn't have it. So I checked regularly.

(montage)

scArA (VO)
Then I read on the Internet that Criterion had recalled it due to copyright conflicts with Toho. So I waited no more.

(blank screen)

scArA (VO)
The moral of the story: don't rely on Hollywood to get all your videos.

(Roll credits. Fin.)